Darth Vader Had it Right

Sometimes, when no one's looking, I start praying to God at work. In my latest prayer, I asked God for "The Office" season 4, a brand new iPhone at a discounted price, and the "Golden Girls" Seasons 1, 2, & 3 DVD box sets. Needless to say, I'm still waiting for them, so Big Guy better pull through because I didn't go through 8 years of Catholic school and 50 years worth of masses in 2 years, just to be ignored by the Big Guy now. I put in my time, damn it. So he better pay up.

My family was never really that religious, but both of my grandmothers would literally die if one day I came home un-Catholic-ized. I was born a Catholic, and I would die a Catholic; they would make sure of that. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I wasn't Catholic. If I was Jewish, I could have been a movie producer. If I was a Scientologist, I could have been an actress married to Tom Cruise. If I was an atheist, I could have been a 1960's psychedelic cult leader...but would any of those jobs really be the job for me?

It would be hard being a hotshot Jewish Producer because I'd have Mel Gibson on my ass, being married to Tom Cruise would drive me crazy, and I couldn't possibly handle the pressure of being like, much less followed, by thousands on confused, drug-induced hippies. It's too much pressure. It really is..

I'm perfectly content being a simple corporate drone. Like in Star Wars, I am a drone on the Death Star, working very well knowing the ending will always be the same ----death to all drones. But in all fairness, everyone dies, so why does any of it matter anyway? So regardless if I'm a hotshot producer, a well-known actress married to a nut, or an infamous cult leader stuck in prison, the result is always the same: death.

I don't mind though. I'm bum. A no motivation, little inspiration, hopeless, complacent, somewhat erratic, mostly-eccentric-but-not-in-the-good-way, bum. How else could I have survived all these years in the land of endless buck-passing and never-ending red tape, if it weren't for my laissez-faire attitude? Seriously. I don't give a fuck, a damn, a shit, or a Goddamn about work or anything related to work, so why me worry?

This was Annita Cornelia Richard reporting on behalf of the Collective Unconscious Business Employees collective. Signing off.