Date for Fun, Not for Love

Too often, we set our expectations too high for ourselves, no matter what the situation. We expect a mountain out of a molehill, and then we are most often disappointed when we don't achieve what we initally hoped for. This happens frequently with dating and relationships. We meet a person, look too far into things too soon, allow ourselves to get in over our heads, and are disappointed and frequently heartbroken if things didn't turn out as we had envisioned them. They key is to not expect so much right away. Don't lower your standards, by any means, but don't place the dependence of your entire world on one thing.

Dating is supposed to be enjoyable and fun. It's all about having a good time, learning about other people while at the same time learning about yourself. You'll end up discovering your pet peeves, what attracts you to certain people and what repels you from others. You'll get to try new restaurants, go to places you haven't been before, and maybe you'll even become a better kisser. I view dating as good "practice" for future relationships, but don't assume I mean sexual practice. Some people may look at it that way, and while every person is free to do as he or she pleases, I suggest keeping sex out of the equation, or holding off for as long as possible, because sex tends to complicate any situation, and it can often make it harder to get over someone or move past them. Stick with kissing; it's still intimate but you're not giving as much of yourself away, in addition, you're not putting yourself at risk for all the diseases that are out there.

When you get into a relationship, you want to make sure it's with the right person. With dating, you can date anyone. You can even date the wrong person, knowing that you could never actually be in a relationship with him, but you still enjoy his company and you are willing to go out on a few dates but not expect a full-fledged commitment. Dating serves to satisfy that "wanderlust" many of us tend to experience. It's better to get it out of your system while you're young and single than later on when you are say bored with your marriage. That way you know what's out there, and you're more content when you eventually find that person to settle down with.

Too many people make the mistake of falling into a serious relationship with the first person that asks them out on a date. Do not do this! That is, unless you happened to get lucky and actually meet the right person so soon. For the rest of us however, we shouldn't force ourselves to settle or to stay with one person because we're perhaps afraid of the possibility that we won't meet someone else. It's a big world, and there are so many people out there. If you find that you're not meeting people, take a look at your routine. Do you go to the same places all the time? Are your social boundaries limited? Chances are, yes. Also, interestingly enough, you meet people when you least expect, or someone you would never guess has their eye on you. I've seen it happen frequently, and it's happened to me as well.

The great thing about dating is that you enjoy all the pluses of a relationship, without all the negative parts. You get to have the companionship, have someone there who finds you attractive and makes you feel good about yourself, but you don't have to deal with the daily phone calls, the pressure to go to family gatherings, and the extreme jealousy. I'm not saying this won't happen, there are some people out there who do get attached to a person they're casually dating and then they end up turning into psychotic stalkers, but for the most part, people know their boundaries. If I'm casually dating a guy, I know that I have no right to phone him and demand where he is, and I expect him to do the same with me.

We don't tend to argue as much or experience frequent stress with people we're casually dating, because we don't get as emotionally involved with them. The more you care about a person, the more their actions affect you, and vice versa. Plus, we're spending more superficial time with them as opposed to personal time. By superficial time, I mean the fun dinners and dates where you go out, get a few drinks or dessert, take a walk and talk about things such as your music preferences and funnest summer vacations. Personal time is usually what couples do, whether it be lying around watching a movie together or sitting in the same room but doing different things, the point is that you're together.

The flirtation and thrill of dating someone is always exciting. You don't know everything about them, just as they don't know everything about you, so you don't know all their negative traits and therefore enjoy being with them because you only know them as the cheerful, upbeat person they are when they see you. You're in that "honeymoon" phase and everything is just swell. All in all, you're both content, with no complaints on either side.

Don't regret any experiences. Did the last guy end up being a jerk? At least you found out, and you're not dating that jerk now. He spent his money on you, so it was his lost investment. The woman always has something to gain from dating, whether it be free drinks, free meals or even more. View every experience as a learning lesson. So the last guy was a loser, what was it about him that made him a loser? Why were you initially attracted to him in the first place? If you ended the dating relationship at some point, that's all that matters. As long as you're still not dating him, that's the most important thing. And now you know one type of guy to avoid in the future.