Dating Advice: When to Say "I Love You"

Those three little words take a relationship to a whole new level. Giving love to another should be a big step, and should not be said lightly. On the other hand, when emotions run deep and a couple feels intensely toward each other, saying 'I love you' seems the most natural progression. While there is no right answer as to when someone should tell their lover that they are indeed in love with them, there are some important things to consider.

The first situation to ponder is how the other person is going to receive your declaration of love. Do you believe they are on the same wavelength and are feeling the same things? Have you agreed to be exclusive, or are you both 'playing the field'? Questions like these are important to ask yourself before confessing your love. If you are in a more casual relationship, the other person may feel taken off guard and awkward about things if you say 'I love you'. If your lover has the impression that your relationship was just a 'fling', they may get scared off and decide things are getting a bit too serious for their liking and break it off. Remember, if things are meant to progress, there will be opportunity to confess your love when the time is right.

The second situation to consider is how you will feel if the love is not reciprocated. It doesn't mean your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't care deeply for you, but perhaps they just aren't in the same place emotionally. They may feel badly, which will lead to awkwardness, or sadness, or even anger on your part. Before deciding to say 'I love you', it is important to get clear in your mind why you are saying it. 'I love you' should not be something said with expectation or pressure, but rather, a sentiment you share because of your deep emotion. If loving someone is based on whether they feel the same, then perhaps it is best to hold off until you are certain it will be reciprocated. If you are unsure where your lover stands emotionally, it is probably better to continue remarking on the things you love about them, rather than saying 'I love you'.

The third instance to ruminate over is if the love is reciprocated. That seems like the ideal situation, and it may be for you both. Sometimes though, it can cause its own set of issues within a relationship. Think about what saying 'I love you' will mean to your relationship. Does it mean an engagement is near? Does it mean perhaps thinking of moving in together? Will it mean you spend every single weekend together? These may seem to over-analyze three little words, but you never know what saying them will mean to the other person.

Finally, if you do choose to say 'I love you', make sure that you mean it. It shouldn't be blurted out in a moment of passion, or as a way to get something out of your partner (that is not love at all!). It should not be said as reciprocation if they say it first, even if it is awkward. 'I love you' should only be said after much thought, meditation, or prayer, and only if you are very serious about the other person. When those feelings come together with much consideration and without expectation, it is truly the right moment.