Dating After Divorce: How to Know When You Are Truly Ready

Are you being faced with the prospect of dating for the first time after years of being married? Yes - you could say I've been there done that and it's not an easy feeling.

Why?

There is much to consider this time around - not just the clothes you want to wear.

Whether or not you have children ....what you DO have is a broken heart no matter who wanted the divorce. The broken heart can be for reasons that have nothing to do with your spouse or ex-spouse. It's the loss of an idea of what you thought you had, how you thought you wanted your relationship to progress and it ended way before you had projected it to....to MANY other factors and they all make us question our decisions in the relationship game and whether or not we are ready to go down that path again.

Because divorcees have experienced both the loss of trust and broken romance, it is therefore important to understand the internals of new friendships and potential relationships as well as the externals of social contact. Dating after divorce is tricky. Ok tricky probably isn't the right word but it certainly isn't the same as the 1st time around. If you do have kids - it is as hard on kids as it is on parents. If your children attach to every person you date, they are likely to be hurt and experience loss each time the relationship doesn't work.[3] That certainly isn't good.

I believe it is a natural process to want to get back into the dating/relationship scene. It may take awhile to get there, but most of us eventually would like to be in another relationship. It is a big step, but as you'll be able to tell from getting back online, it isn't impossible.

However, if you start dating immediately after your divorce it can be a complicated experience. You might be anxious to get back to dating to cure the loneliness, but taking some time to heal from your divorce and to figure out who you are going to be now, as a single person, is a better idea. It is a big step in continuing on with your life. Take the time to learn what are your own interests and ways to meet people through those interests. Dating after divorce is different than it was before you ever got married. Now you are wiser (and maybe a little jaded), somewhat older, and may have children.

So okay...now what....how do you know you're ready for this transition? Where do you start to even look for someone with the same interests?

It's easier than you think.

The world of online dating has exploded and there are sites for every different type of person you may be looking for. Some require that you complete a registration and then charge monthly fees and there are others that are completely free. There are sites for Christians as well as sites for the little risqué' - either way - any search engine online can provide you with those.

Lets say you don't want to meet anyone online - then most everyone has friends that have single friends that they'd love to have you meet. Churches, community organizations, speed dating (that can actually be pretty fun with a friend) to many out reach programs for divorcees'. Most local newspapers advertise such events.

Once your out with your date remember to:

Maintain a cheerful mood and talk about good things. Okay...you may have had a bad day and you can talk about that - but I'm talking about stories about your ex. We've all seen the movies where the jilted ex talks non-stop to their date about their ex - don't let that be you. That's what your friends are for - not your first date. If you can't help yourself and feel the need that strongly to talk about your ex then you're definitely not ready to start dating.

When you are ready to feel the freedom of being single again - the last thing you'll want to find yourself doing is reliving the past. That's a huge sign you are ready to enjoy the company of the opposite sex. That's the greatest feeling in the world - having come to grips with your past and moving on. Not only will you feel wonderful but your date will sense it as well.

Get to know who you are dating a good amount of time before you introduce them to your children or family. Your new "friend" needs to know and understand that you are a package deal but you are protecting your children and yourself from any drama if things don't work out. Plus once you introduce them to your family....and things don't work out....it seems like "family" never let you forget that (personal experience there if you couldn't tell).

While you are going through these changes and becoming the "new" you - don't let family remind you of the past you are trying to leave ...in the past! Continue to consult your lifetime friends with questions you may have. Double date, throw some parties so your friends can help you decide if you are making good choices. It's amazing how those closest to you can see more clearly. But be ready for honest opinions - because remember for some of you out there - it's not just you they are concerned about but your children. So be open to hear everything they have to say while you are getting out in the dating world again.

Remember to enjoy yourself - you have earned this adult time.

Have fun!

[3] http://www.divorcehelpforparents.com/dating-after-divorce.html