Dating After Hysterectomy: Dropping the "No Kids" Bomb

So you're young, single and had a hysterectomy. How do you go about disclosing this in the dating world? It's not easy, but life does go on. After having a hysterectomy last year at just 26 years old, I can tell you first-hand that the dating world does change and not every guy out there is kind, caring and understanding of your uterus-free lifestyle. However, we cannot just stop dating because biological children are no longer possible. Here we will talk about how and when to disclose you had a hysterectomy and the best ways to drop the "no kids" bomb.

Facing Reality

I have no children and knew going into my hysterectomy that I would never have biological children of my own. I am okay with that, but following my surgery, it burned in my mind, "will future dating partners write me off as damaged goods?" I'm young and single, so dating is a part of my life and has to be unless I plan on living it up in the crazy cat lady lifestyle. A few weeks after my official "you're recovered" date, I decided to take the plunge and step back out into the dating world. Too soon? Perhaps.

When to Disclose Your Lack of Uterus

Personally, my rule of thumb was never on date number one because if we didn't click then, we were never going to get to a point where he would be affected by my lack of uterus. I generally waited until the second or third date and played it by ear. In some cases, the second date was "deep" enough to delve into the topic while with other guys, we didn't get "deep" enough until the third date. I will tell you that one guy outright had an issue with it. He wanted a biological child to carry on his name. I cannot fault him for that. He was generally a nice guy, but we didn't work. There were two more who acted as if my never being able to have children was no big deal, but they never called, so it obviously was. Needless to say, I have far more respect for the guy who told me outright. Honesty is appreciated. It is inevitable that not being able to have kids will cause issues in dating so this is why I made it a rule to tell guys by the third date. I would hate to date someone for months, start falling to each other, tell him and then we discover my lack of uterus is a deal breaker.

The Last Year

Well, I've dropped the "no kids" bomb about seven times, but just have not clicked with any of the dates I've had. Of course, one guy was nice, but absolutely wanted biological kids so he was out. Two didn't call after I dropped the bomb so either they want to have kids, or maybe I was just a lame date on every day I had with them. Both are a possibility really because I clicked with neither of them. The others were nice, we laughed, we shared great stories but overall, the future was not for us.

Wrap-Up

Ultimately, it is up to you when to drop the "no kids" bomb. I like to get it out of the way on the second or third date because I do not want to get emotionally involved and then find out my having a hysterectomy was a deal breaker. Dating in a world that is so focused on falling in love, getting married and having kids is not easy. However, once you find the right guy, it will not matter that you cannot have biological children. There are other ways to create a family and a loving home.

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