Dating Dilemma - When to Start Dating Again

Once you have escaped from an abusive relationship, the last thing on your mind is dating again. Dating may even seem like something you could never put yourself through again. Eventually though you will want to get back in the game. The question is how do you go about it?

After the shock from your last relationship starts to wear off, it is only natural that you will want to have someone in your life again. It is nothing to feel guilty about, but it can be scary.

The first thing to remember is to take things at your own pace. Some people need longer to before they are ready to move on. I was ready to move on rather quickly. In my particular case, I had actually stopped being attracted or in love with my ex long before the break up. I felt trapped in the relationship. I was convinced that if I lost him no one else would want me, but I no longer loved him. Actually part of my recovery was taking that first step. I needed to get out there and disprove his lies. Other people need more time. They need to heal themselves more before they can even consider letting someone else in. It could take a month, it could take six months, it could take a year, it just depends. The important thing is that you are emotionally ready, and that you are doing this for the right reasons.

No matter when you start dating again, the key is to take it slow. It is easy to get wrapped up in the initial excitement. Your new found "love" seems perfect. While he or she may be "the one," be sure to get to know him or her before you get too attached. Make sure the person they appear to be is the real deal. Remember that most likely you relationship with your abuser started off pretty well. Things looked almost too good to be true, and it ended up that they were.

Another thing you must do is keep your own heart in check. Are you really ready to be doing this? Are you ready to love again? Are you ready to put yourself out there and risk rejection again? Remember that not every try is a successful try. You may start dating someone and it just doesn't work out for whatever reason. How are you going to take that. Also never start dating again just because you are lonely. Never start dating again because you need someone to tell you what you are worth. You need to be okay with you and be okay with being single before you can pursue a healthy relationship.

It is hard to get back into the dating game. Finding "the one" is difficult under normal circumstances, but abuse survivors have additional baggage to deal with. The initial challenge is where to start. The cliché is when you stop looking, love will find you. That is sometimes easier said then done.

No matter where you try to find love (the bar, online, at church, through friends etc), keep your standards in mind. Never settle just because you want "someone." If you are happy to settle, maybe you aren't ready yet. Be careful, and remember to take care of yourself.