Dating with a Disability

So how do we go about finding potential dates?

The truth of it is that we have to take matters into our own hands. Those intimidating clubs? We need to overcome that intimidation. That crippling fear of being judged by our disability? We need to overcome it. We are more than our disability, and we need to put that out there.

I've been disabled for five years now. The first two years were pure horror for me. My self esteem plummeted, I began experiencing paranoia when I went out in public. I was convinced that everyone laughing in proximity to me was indeed laughing at me. I was convinced that people saw the wheelchair, and not me. I didn't bother with makeup, I didn't bother to dress nice. I went through two years of this, until I finally realized that nothing was going to change unless I made it change.

It wasn't an easy process. I was out of shape and still struggling with my own body issues. I felt disgusting. After discussing the problem with a local support group, I learned I wasn't alone.

But what to do about it? I got the same advice everywhere I turned. I was told it was too hard to find dates, it was too time consuming, it only ended in heartbreak. I refused to believe it. I decided that all I could do was take matters into my own hands.

I started to work out. I invested in some makeup and some nice clothes. The change was amazing. Just doing that much made me feel so much better about myself. I had spent two years convinced people were seeing nothing but the wheelchair and I was going to make them see me.

But the hard part was still to come. I may have looked and felt good, but I was still terrified. Working up the courage to put myself out there seemed impossible. But I did it. I took myself to a local bar and ordered a drink. I must have sat there an hour before I was approached; but I was approached. He struck up conversation and he bought me a drink. It was one of the most amazing feelings I'd ever experienced. Here I was, after two miserable years, sitting in a bar being chatted up by a nice guy.

He gave me his number before the night was over.

I never did call him, but I'm forever thankful to him for dispelling those lingering fears and reminding me that despite my disability, I was still an attractive and interesting woman. I've never let go of that. There have been many bars and clubs since then, and many phone numbers. There have even been dinners and movies and nights in curled up on the couch in front of the TV.

If I could do it, so can you.

I'm not going to lie and say that it's easy. There are people out there who are shallow and who won't see beyond the physical. There are people who will think it doesn't matter but find out later that it does. There will be heartbreak and disappointment. But heartbreak and disappointment are always a risk in the world of dating, disabled or not. And the risks are worth it. There are people out there who don't care about the cane or the wheelchair or the added hardships of a disability.

You just have to go out there and find them.