Dating a Racist - I Thought He was Just a Nice Bull Riding Cowboy from Texas

His Head was Pointed in the Wrong Direction!

Hannah, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Apr 30, 2007 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."

What's a girl to do? I couldn't believe the day Chad (name changed), told me how he scared An African-American family, out of his neighborhood! Well, that was the only day that has existed, in my 53 years of life, that I was speechless. I had absolutely No idea Chad was a racist. There were no signs, whatsoever. Unfortunately, I had come to care a great deal for him. My mistake. But really, I had no idea leading up to that day. I remember thinking, just moments after he told me, that "This can't be true, I feel like I'm trapped inside a really bad Lifetime movie".

I met Chad at our local county western dance club. I was meeting a girlfriend, I had just made friends with, the week before. While I was waiting, Chad came in and sat next to me, and started being friendly. Of course I explained to him, when my friend got there, he would have to move. My friend came in, and saw Chad first, and gave him a big hug. Little did I know, my new friend, was also friends with Chad. What a coincidence. She had known Chad long enough, to give a thumbs up, on what type of guy he was. DON'T ever listen to anyone else's opinion about a guy, that you may want to date. Trust me! Anyway, that's how Chad and I met.

Chad came in to the club several times that week. I use to go often, as I used to like to dance, before the "Bad Knee". Anyway, I really wanted to just be friends with Chad. Well, he wasn't going to take no for an answer. And actually, I did start to like him more than a friend, after a couple of weeks getting to know him. Mind you, NO signs so far about him being any sort of a racist. If there had been, he would have been gone quicker than a snowflake in the Arizona heat.

I can't remember exactly what night it was, but Chad and I had been dating by then. He had this very close friend, we'll call Buck. (name changed). We were all standing around listening to the music, when Buck noticed an African American male on the dance floor. Well, country western places are not usually frequented by African Americans, as they usually don't feel quite accepted. That's the nicest way I know how to put it. Anyway, Buck all of a sudden says "Do you believe that coon, what the hell is he doing in here?". I was just. stunned. I thought that term went out in the 50's. Was I wrong. Now mind you, Chad is standing right next to him. Chad had no comments whatsoever. At the I time I thought "Thank God Chad isn't a Racist". Now, I realize that silence, is the loudest form of agreement. I didn't say a word to Buck at the time, of which I am truly embarrassed about. However, the person I am now, he would have heard a novella on the subject. I remember mentioning to Chad that night. he didn't really say much, about what Buck had said. Chad responded that "Right or wrong, Buck had a right to feel the way he did." Anyway, I dropped the subject. Be VERY wary, if someone doesn't give you a clear, direct opinion on an important issue as this. They may be hiding their true feelings.

Well, Chad and I were dating for about six weeks, when the horrible moment came. Chad and I would always have coffee together, before he went to work. We just started talking about all different kinds of things. I can't really remember why he brought it up, but in a very bragging way, with a big smile on his face, he proceeded to tell me about his little adventure. He started telling me, how he went to his dad's upholstery shop, and made a hood, you know the pointed kind. I started thinking "What the heck is he talking about". So he proceeded to tell me, that there was some black people (thank God he didn't use the N word), in his neighborhood that needed a talking too, and needed to leave. Then Chad tells me the family, including the children were outside in front of the house, when he drove up. He put on his hood and told them they might want to consider leaving the neighborhood. By this point, I was totally speechless. I had never personally known people like this. That's when I thought "I'm trapped inside a really bad Lifetime Movie". I honestly was speechless. Anyone who knows me, realizes just how devastated I was. I am a talker. So while I'm literally still in shock, he proceeds with a giant smile on his face, to tell me, the family moved within a week. He was so proud of what he had done. I didn't say a word, and he went off to work. All I could think of after he left was, "My God is this really happening"?

Chad came over that night after work, and we had a REAL long discussion about the whole situation. He didn't apologize for anything. All he could say was, "That's how I was raised, and that's how I feel". He saw absolutely NOTHING wrong, with what he did, and how he felt. Well, I did, and plenty. I told him firstly, that I could not be with anyone that was a racist, I didn't believe that way, and as a person in my Master's Program to be a counselor, I could not ethically be with someone who thought and acted that way. That was the end of Chad and me. Although it was a hurtful decision to make, it had to be done.

Just a warning to women, or men, looking to date someone. Not only be very attentive to what that person is saying, but also to what they're not saying. Sometimes silence in a situation, can say more about a person, than a mouthful of words!

Published by Hannah

I am a former child & family counselor, and now retired. I am proud to be a U.S Air Force Vietnam Era Veteran. I enjoy writing articles on Relationships, Dating, Marriage, Parenting and much more! I hope you... View profile

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Dating a Racist - I Thought He was Just a Nice Bull Riding Cowboy from Texas

His Head was Pointed in the Wrong Direction!

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