Dating and Relationships: Breaking Up Properly

You MUST break up verbally. It's best to break up in person, but in some cases that's just not possible, such as in long distance relationships. If you can't break up in person, then you must do it over the phone. NEVER break up in writing, such as via text message, e-mail, Facebook comment, post-it note, etc. Voicemail breakups, while verbal, are also unacceptable. Not only is it cowardly, but you know it's over before they do, and that's just not fair. The breakup needs to be a conversation, not a message.

Don't lie. You may think saying things like "I still want to be friends," "I'll always love you," "I still care about you," etc. will make the person feel better, but they'll only make things worse in the long run if they're not true. Only say what you feel, not what you think they want to hear. Also, don't give the person false reasons for breaking up. They might find out that those reasons weren't true, and the fact that you lied would only make things worse for both of you. Never use overused lines like "it's not you, it's me," because even if it's true, it's too cliché.

Breaking up is not the time to bring up every little thing they did wrong. Even if their little annoying habits are what contributed to you wanting to break things off, the person will probably feel bad enough without the criticisms. If those things had really bothered you, you should have told them earlier.

Be gentle. Don't use cruel words, and never use profanity. Avoid a harsh or angry tone as well, as these can add to the sting of being dumped. Be careful about what you say, phrases like "I'm sick of you" or "I can't stand you" are horrible to hear; "I'm not happy anymore" or "it's not working out" are better choices.

Don't tell the world about your breakup plans before they happen. You can confide in a few non-mutual friends if you want, but avoid telling mutual friends or friends that may not be able to keep their mouths shut. This sort of thing is not something you want half the school to know, because it would be horrible for your partner to know you're about to dump them before it happens. Let the world know about it once you actually break up, but not beforehand.

When it's time to let go, it's time to let go. Don't wait months or even weeks to break up, because as long as you stay you give the person the impression you still want to be there. Staying in a relationship when you plan to split is a lie. Besides, your partner may notice you're not happy anymore, and that can drive anyone crazy with suspense. Don't drag it out for their sake; if you think it's time to move on, it's time to move on.