Dating & Relationships: The Revolving Door Man

This disorder is very common. I myself experienced this type of man several times. I must say he has to be one of the biggest heartbreakers of all. Let's take a look at what he does, and the devastation he causes to his victims.

The revolving door man, he is the man who thinks he can come in and out of your life as he pleases. Whether it be short little vacations to his Mom and Dads (my least favorite), or various places of other choice, he comes and goes like a shadow in the night. His coming and going may be the result of an argument, or him professing he needs his space for a while. What it comes down to is he knows he can come and go as he pleases, because you love him so much. He knows you will always take him back, over, and over again. This is the hardest part, because you want him to stop, and be that man you know you can depend on, but he's showing you that's not going to happen.

This man usually suffers from what I call the "Come Close Then Pull Away Syndrome". There's a psychological term for this, but I don't care about impressing anyone. Every time this man starts to feel really close to you, he will start to feel anxious, and then feel the need to pull away. Unfortunately, going for a walk doesn't work to relieve his anxiety, so he has to do something more drastic. He will either go to someone's house, or actually leave town. In the first eight months I was married to my second husband he actually went and rented an apartment twice. After the first time he left, he came back, and yes, I let him, but only under the stipulation he would get counseling. He went just a few times and quit. Five months after the first apartment, he did it again. This time, I didn't take him back; I filed for divorce a month after he left. He was the third man I had experienced this coming and going with. Unfortunately, there's no way of knowing up front about this type of man unless you talk to his ex's. It really does come as quite a shock when it happens.

Here's what usually happens with these types of men. Every time you have an argument he runs off to his family or friends. He may stay for a few days, or up to a few months, depending how long his anxiety lasts. He usually doesn't call right away, as he knows at first you will be angry. He knows how to play his cards right, he waits long enough for you to really, really miss him. He then starts to call, and say he wants to talk. He doesn't let you know right away that he wants to com home, he needs to feel you out to see if you're ready. He waits for the perfect timing. He after all does not want any type of punishment for running off, and tearing your heart out. He little by little tippy toes back into your heart. He talks about all the wonderful times you had, how much you loved each other, and how much he misses you. Before you know it he's back in your arms, and in your home. You're not even mad at him anymore. Know why? Your so damn grateful he came back. Scary, isn't it?

I can almost guarantee you that if he gets away with it the first time; he will do it again, and, again, and again. Eventually the door to your heart is a revolving door, and he's the man going in and out, until your heart breaks. What this does to a woman is a crime. She ends up feeling, unloved, used, and abused by the very person who has the nerve to say I love you. If you don't develop an anxiety disorder, and or depression from being with this guy, it will be a miracle.

So, then what are the answers to this dilemma?-

You can either put your foot down and set boundaries that are not to be crossed, and hope he will stick by them. If you choose this one you cannot be shaken, you must stick to it, and make sure you follow through with any consequences that you have stated.

You can suggest counseling for him by himself, and for both of you as couple. I don't want to burst your bubble with this one, but most men will not go to counseling, and if they do rarely continue past a few sessions.

You can realize that this man is probably not going to stop what he is doing, and stop beating a dead horse. Move on with your life, and find a man that will stick by your side no matter what.

You can keep things as they are and drive your self crazy with anxiety, fear, and depression. PLEASE don't choose this one, he's not worth it!

Always remember, everyone is worth being truly loved, and respected. What this man does has little to do with either. So the next time he goes out that revolving door, keep your heart safe, have it torn down and put one up with a lock he can't pick!

*Check out all my articles on Men, Love, Dating and Relationships, You'll be Glad You Did!!