Dating Resolution: Try to Stay Single (Part 2)

I wrote an article quite a while ago now about how I was going to try to resist all my innate inclinations by staying single for a while.

How did it go?

Despite the fact that I first fell off the wagon so to speak and found myself in another relationship about 3 or 4 months into my 6 month holding period, once that ended I did indeed hold out for 6 months. It has ultimately turned out well. I learned exactly what I don 't want in life and because of that also became well acquainted with what I do want. I broke up with the aforementioned nameless face last May and took that time to focus on myself and my work; in the midst of that I ended up in a new relationship.

So what's different about this one you might ask?

While yes, I maintain that an arbitrary 6 month waiting period on it's own won't clear up any relationship problems a person tends to continually have, for me, it was just what was needed.

You see, in past relationships I would frequently find myself getting wrapped up in the newness of the person I was dating and his/her activities and interests to the point that I would eventually lose myself altogether. The ladies I'm sure understand this all too common tendency. That of course not only puts strain on a relationship but when break-up time comes you not only have to mourn the loss of the person you loved but also your own life, and then take to the business of assembling your life once again.

And that's exactly what I did in that 6 month self-imposed dating solace of sorts.

I thought about what qualities I most like in myself, what qualities I seek most in others, what I want to change about myself or my life, the kinds of things I like to do in my free time and the kinds of experiences I'd like to be able to share with someone. Once I had all of that set in my head, I set about making up for some lost time: catching up on reading, writing, sketching, making new friends and re-connecting with old ones.

Somewhere along the line, I found a person who I truly admire and want in my life - a relationship that is based not only on the overwhelming desire to be with her but also a conscious decision that I want her in my life. And yes, I did say her. What can I say, you can't plan out who will matter to you and what form the package will come in, all you can do is be thankful that you found someone you love.

It's still not easy and I won't pretend it is, trying to find enough time to spend in our busy lives is probably the biggest obstacle. But I'm slowly (I say slowly because the old habit of a selfish hoarding of one's time is hard to break) learning that the compromises aren't so difficult to make when the company is that good. And quite frankly, the world will infringe itself on you if you let it, what with: appointments, deadlines, friends-in-need, and everything else that can come up in a day, so the "work" of keeping a relationship new and making sure feelings are shown rather than just spoken, is time well spent.

The next step for us is figuring out how to blend our two lives as seamlessly as possible without either of us losing those little bits that make her who she is and me who I am.