Dating Site Blunders

1. "Do you like sex?" My usual answer to that question is "yes but not with you."

2. Him: Hi! How are you? Me: I'm okay and yourself? Him: No response .... for over an hour or more. I mean seriously...YOU MESSAGED ME!

3."Are those your real eyebrows?" Do my eyebrows really play an important part into whether or not you are interested in me? No I use stick on eyebrows bought from a magic shop.

4. "How much do you weigh?" I don't weigh an ounce. I close the page if you ask me that.

5. "Are those your breasts? They're huge!" They're normal sized and what? Do my breasts look like nostrils under my shirt? Yes those are MY breasts. Or are you suggesting that women have stick on breasts and I borrowed mine from my friend? She's wearing my breasts and I am wearing hers. Or do you mean I purchased my boobs from Toys R Us? Could you be more specific please? Or rather could you not message me?. I'm too tired to bother answering.

6. Him: What do you like to do? Me: Read. Write. Karaoke. Act silly. Arts and Crafts. And You?

Him: Drink. Smoke pot. Where on my profile does it say I am an alcoholic or pothead? If that's all you do, don't bother.

7. Every 30 seconds: You want to meet? I just started speaking to you. No .

8. Every hour on the dot ,after telling him I want to get to know him online before talking to him on the phone or meeting in person: "Can I have your number?" 18. My lucky is 18.

9. Him: So what do you do for a living? Me: I'm a writer and looking for part time work. Him: Oh, what do you write? Me: Mainly poetry, but I do write in other areas as well. Him: Well you can't make a living on poetry. I didn't say I could. I said I dabble in other areas as well. Apparently reading isn't your strong suit.

10. Messaging or emailing me one of the following:

a) "I'm drunk." Congratulations! That makes me feel about oh ... () this big, that I look good to you while drunk. What do I look like to you while sober? Don't answer that.

b) "People say I have a nice ass." Really? Being that your only picture of you on your profile is from the neck up, I'd say you have a nice neck or face, unless of course your butt is your face. Then yes, you have a nice ass.

c) "I have to go to the bathroom. Brb." Um, you could've messaged me AFTER you went to the bathroom. Really, I'm patient.

d) "What's your favorite sex position?" Considering this is the first time you are messaging me, one that doesn't involve you!

e) "I know you aren't what I'm looking for, but..." Why did you message me again?

f) "I know I'm not w hat you are looking for but..." How do you know you aren't what I'm looking for? Why don't you let me decide that? I mean seriously if you look like a butt, sound like Big Bird, are in love with a chicken named Camilla, have brass knuckles, a grill (why do they call it that?), don't have an IQ, etc, then yeah I'm not interested.

11. Saying you have a great sense of humor, telling me a great fart joke, making me laugh hysterically, asking me for my greatest fart joke, and then telling me I'm too gross. You asked,moron!

12. "You're a very interesting person." and then not contact me for a week. When I e-mailed him to find out what was going on: "I have a girlfriend."

13. You remind me of my ex-girlfriend. Well then she was stunningly gorgeous and the perfect woman for you. However, I'm not interested.

Note: A special thanks to the Noodle Diet for giving me the idea for this article.