Dating Starts With Yourself

Everyone wants to be in love. Even those who shun monogamy was once in love or eventually will end up falling for someone whether they know it or not. There is a time, however, when some of us become desperate. You should want to be loved and to be in love but not at the sake of your values and what you truly desire.

When you date, whether it is a dinner date, fly-by night fling or committed relationship, you are inviting someone into your life. All what you are and possess are now open to whomever you let in. When I was dating, it was hard for me to view it in these terms because I felt as if I was giving the benefit of a doubt, trying to date different people and just being open. The main problem with this was that there were no criteria. I think that being "open" should have its limits.

The first thing that not too many people tell you is that it is pertinent to get to know you and love you. This won't deter every bad situation but it will turn desperation into delightful waiting. You are a gift. You come with value and values. When you are desperately seeking, you will, most of the time, put your values aside. In dating, there is an overwhelming feeling of "he may be the one", and then when he turns out to be a waste of time, you feel empty. Know what your values are and plan to be very much stuck with them so that alone does not mean lonely.

Also, along with most pre-requisites that daters have is finding someone who has something "happening" in their lives. Establishment in careers and finances are at the top of the list usually for most men and women. However, this becomes one-sided when you are searching for someone who has much to offer but you are struggling in too many areas of your life. This is called dating out of your league. You should be making a conscious effort in working on you. Whether it is a financial climb or body image issue, these are perfect time spenders while waiting for the love of your life. By strengthening yourself, in whatever area, you automatically, and non-verbally lets potential suitors know that you are setting goals, meeting goals and are looking for someone that is at an equal or higher level in life.

Another dating tip that starts with you is learning from your mistakes. How many times, with how many men are you stuck with the dinner tab before you just don't allow that anymore? How many times will you sleep with someone on the first night and never see him again, to sense some kind of negative feeling from it? The responsibility always has to start with you. It seems that the easiest lesson to learn is that people will only do what you let them do to you. Simple. Most of us are habitual daters. We use a method to get a man. We get bad results. We use the same method. We hope that that it doesn't happen again. It looks like it won't happen again. It does happen again. We get the same result. We still use that same surefire method a few more times. We get the same results a few more times. Now we claim that there are no good men, blame it on society, run back to the crappy ex or just give up altogether. Learning from mistakes does have its benefits; the mistakes are hard to swallow but its medicine and may heal your relationship woes.

First comes love. Then comes baggage? What you bring into dating is usually a great determinant as to how things will happen. It is not cool to arrive at a date with a new guy, wearing new shoes and talking about your old boyfriend. I have been here, literally dumping my past issues with other men on the table. Why is it so bad? It's bad because it makes you look bad. If you have dated a line of jerks, as much as you want it to look like their fault, you always play a part in your turmoil. You just might come off looking like a bad decision-maker, a pushover or someone who clearly does not know what they want. Of course you will divulge at some point in time but the first date is just not a great time. There are plenty of other things to talk about. Don't be afraid to make a list and check it twice. You will be surprised to know that that your conversation can be more than a one-dimensional man-bashing session.

Get rid of dead weight. There is no positive way to say that. Some of us think that is okay to socialize with men that are on our, "Trash" list in the meantime until the right man comes along. You are never going out with him again or considering anything serious with him, so why is it necessary to keep his number or answer his calls? It is worth more to you to move on than to believe that it is doing you any good to waste any more time on someone who is not a potential mate. You may think that you are being nice by being a "friend" but you are not being nice by stringing him along. Some people don't get it until you give it. Give them a free ride. If you don't pick up enough, they will stop calling. For the bold and beautiful that can tell it like it is, you can just verbally mince the expectations by just saying that you don't think it is going to work out. Everyone is not this bold. But whatever your confidence level is, again, get rid of the dead weight.

Starting with who you are, what you want and how you are handling your life will give you a sense of control when dating. It does not have to be a "hoping" or wishing" situation. You can't make some one be "right" for you but you can make yourself be "right" for someone special. Start with you, and the rest will follow.
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