Dating Tips for Single Men: Key Things to Avoid on a First Date

Let's take a peek into the world of dating from the eyes of a female. After interviewing dozens of single women following an unsuccessful first date, I compiled a list of "first date turn-offs." For the online daters, in addition to the items below, obvious deal breakers included "not being truthful in online profiles" and "posting inaccurate pictures." So single guys, listen up and keep this list of first date turn-offs in mind and take note of the remedies on how to avoid them.

Talking Too Much About Yourself
Women are very interested in learning more about you and your background, interests, values and relationship goals. However, women also want you to take an interest in them. Keep the conversation balanced and always turn the question towards them. For example, after sharing information about your hobbies, instead of going off on another subject, say "How about you? What do you like to do in your free time?" Keeping the conversation balanced will let her know you are interested.

Having a Negative Attitude
No one wants to be around people that are unhappy and negative. You may be in a challenging space personally and feeling the impact of the recession through financial loss, job insecurity, etc. Know that you are not alone and your date may be feeling her share of problems as well. Lamenting about these issues on your date only makes you appear negative and can take the conversation into a downward spiral. Instead of focusing on what is wrong in your life or the world, keep the conversation geared towards upbeat, positive topics.

Talking About Past Girlfriends
Are you still feeling the sting of your past relationship and need to talk it out? Do you feel that sharing past experiences makes for meaningful conversation? Think again. Nothing sends a stronger signal that you are stuck in the past than lamenting about your ex-loves. Not only does this tell them that you are not ready to move forward, it also conveys that you may not have learned any personal lessons from the relationship. One scared-off woman I interviewed stated: "...he spoke so negatively about his last girlfriend that I wondered if he saw me for who I was. He obviously was not over her and seemed turned off by women in general and I just cut the date short." So guys, don't bring up your past relationships. If you are asked, be brief, positive, and reflect on these as learning experiences.

Excessive Touching
On a first date, most women welcome a casual touch of the hand or a gently pat on the shoulder. These simple touches convey interest and can punctuate key points in the conversation. Overdoing it and constantly rubbing her back and groping is a definite turn off. One turned-off woman shared this: "On our first date, he constantly kept his hand on my back, rubbing my shoulders and back. I felt like he was claiming his property. It made me feel very uncomfortable. I could not get away from his fast enough." A bit of touching is ok. Don't let your intent to show interest through touching backfire by going overboard.

Swearing
Peppering your conversation with profanity can be commonplace when talking with your male friends. When making your first impression with a woman, it can be a deal-breaker. Not only does it show disrespect for her, it makes you appear as though you have no respect for yourself. Need I say more?

Drinking Too Much
Having a glass of wine or a cocktail is common on a first date. Having several drinks and getting buzzed is a complete mistake. "He gulped 3-beers with me and I know when I got there, he had already had been drinking. I was bummed," said one disappointed dater. Don't give her the impression that you have an alcohol problem. Keep your first date to a two drink minimum, or better yet, have non-alcoholic beverages, especially if you are not meeting for appetizers.

Making Sexual Innuendos or References
You can let her know you are attracted to her without making overtures about sex. Nothing is creepier than a date that continually takes an innocent comment and turns it into something sexual. "He actually asked what turned me on sexually...can you believe it? We had not even been together for an hour. I was done," said one turned-off woman. Another said, "Every word I said, almost everything I did, he turned it into a sexual reference." So guys, if you are looking for a meaningful relationship and not just a "hook-up", steer clear of sexual innuendos.

Poor Grooming
Taking the time to look great from head to toe makes the best first impression and tells her "this date is important." One woman experienced the opposite on her first date and shared this: "He looked so handsome in his online profile, I was disappointed when he showed up for our date unshaven and wearing a wrinkled shirt." There is no need to put on a tie for your first date, but do make sure your clothes are clean and fresh. Do a quick check and make sure you are clean shaven or your facial hair is neatly groomed, your hair is styled, your breath is fresh and your nails are short and clean. Wouldn't you expect your date to arrived looking well put together? Remember, it works both ways.

Bad Table Habits
"He tore into the bread like he had not had a meal in a week and talked with his mouth full. I was embarrassed when he had no clue how to use a knife." Please, oh please, make sure you remember your table manners! This is surely a deal breaker on its own. This video takes a comedic look at bad table manners from the hit comedy "The King of Queens" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unXKYK0uRJ8 Click here for a reminder of good table manners. http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/menus/table-manners-101.htm