Dating Violence is Never Justified

Whenever I read or hear about violence that takes place between partners, I always feel lucky that I have never been in a relationship where I've been threatened like this. It also makes me feel a bit confused about how someone could hurt someone who they supposedly care about. I know people get mad. I know sometimes anger can take over every fiber of your being. But I still cannot justify hurting someone you love.

I think that sexual assault is probably one of the most unforgiving and terrifying things that could happen, whether it's with a stranger or someone you know. I think this is every girls' nightmare...being sexually assaulted. I have a friend who was raped by a guy friend of hers when she was in high school. They were at a party and had been drinking and when he made a pass at her, she shot him down, laughing and saying that she didn't like him like that. I think this bruised his ego a bit and he ended up forcing her to have sex with him. Needless to say, he barely remembered it the next morning, but I'm sure it's not something that she will easily forget for the rest of her life. I almost think it's worse to have a friend do this to you than it would be for a stranger to sexually assault you. I know she asks herself all the time how someone she was such a good friend with could do that to her. It's scary to think how some people may react in situations like this.

I started dating my (now) husband when we were in high school, and although he has quite the anger streak in him at times when he gets frustrated, he has never taken it out on me. I'd like to think that if I were with someone who was abusive that I would simply walk away from the relationship, but I know deep down that it can't be that easy. I know that I would think I could change him or make him "see the light". In one of my other classes I think we were told that on average, a woman in an abusive relationship leaves her significant other 7 times before not ever going back. That right there proves it's not as easy as just walking out the door without looking back.

It's hard to believe that stalking was not considered a crime until 1990. I can't imagine how scary it would be to be in this position. I don't know anyone who has been stalked, but it just reminds me of something you would see in a movie. I picture some creepy guy lingering outside the windows at night watching me and it seriously scares me!

It's really disconcerting that there are people out there who are unstable enough to want to rape, assault, stalk, and become aggressive or violent against someone they are in a relationship with. I know it happens, I guess I've just been sheltered to it my whole life, which I don't think is a bad thing. I'm not naïve to think that it couldn't happen to someone close to me, or even to me. I just think that most of what I see is on tv and in movies.

I think the perpetrators in these situations are simply trying to exert a sense of power and control over the victim. I can't see how they gain anything else out of it. It's sick, demeaning, and scary.