Dating While on a Break: Is it Cheating?

Years ago, a guy I was dating and I were arguing too much about certain things and we decided it was best if we took a break. When he and I started talking again a month and a half later, I told him I had gone on a date a couple of weeks before. He flipped out, telling me I cheated on him, but I didn't see it that way. We eventually got past it, but in the meantime, he thought I cheated on him, and I felt bad he was hurting.

Plenty of couples go on breaks, but the problem comes when one or both gets involved with someone else during that time. There's hurt and betrayed feelings, and one person may consider it cheating - but is that really what it is?

What's "taking a break"?

Taking a break typically means splitting up with the possibility of reuniting in the future. It's pretty much about deciding if the relationship is what both of you want and if it's worth continuing.

How do problems happen?

Some consider taking a break an actual breakup, while others perceive it as a temporary separation while you're still in a relationship with each other. Personally, I consider it an actual breakup while both people figure it out what they want; my ex felt differently. There's the problem - a different view on what the term actually means.

Prevent misunderstandings

When discussing taking a break, some couples don't want to get to the gritty details and ask the hard questions. They'll stick to what they perceive the term to mean without actually asking the other person their view. That was the problem with my ex and I; we should have talked about what the terms of the break were. When you and your guy go on a break, tell him where you stand and what your intentions are even if you don't think you're actually going to go on a date with anyone else. Let him explain his point of view, then both of you can discuss where to take it from there. If there's any possibility of things working out in the near or distant future, you'll prevent misunderstandings if both of you lay everything out ahead of time.

Consider the after-effects

Neither of you can predict how you're going to feel if you hear the other went on a date during the break. It's possible that there will be no fallout. However, there might be feelings of anger, betrayal, and hurt anyway, even if both of you agreed to date other people. Just be aware that if you do date someone else during the break, there's no guarantee there won't be any problems even if things were discussed beforehand.

Should one or both of you tell the other you might date other people while on a break, then no, it's not cheating if you go on a date with someone else. If things weren't discussed, then it's actually subjective; one of you might think it's cheating, but the other might not. In that case there really is no black-and-white answer, it's all about perception. It's why setting the terms of the break is so important. When the two of you talk about what happened during the break, just remember to be honest with each other. If things come out later on, there's another whole set of issues to worry about.

More from Lauren Romano:

Reasons You Should Never Just Settle on a Guy
How to Unload Your Relationship Baggage
Cheating: Falling in love vs. Falling in Lust