Daughters: Mend Your Relationship with Your Father
Every daughter wants to have a good relationship with her father. It's an innate desire that really can't be denied, even though it is unfortunately not always actualized. If you and your father have always maintained the idyllic dichotomy of daddy and daddy's little girl, you should consider yourself very lucky. If you're like many other women, though, with a strained and troubled past and present with dear old dad, chances are that you have felt a hole in your heart well past adolescence and into adulthood. If you do not "mend fences," so to speak, with your father, you will almost certainly regret it. Just because the lines of communication have often been clogged between you and your dad doesn't mean that it's too late to clear the air and rebuild your relationship from the foundation up.
The excuse that so many daughters make in regards to not mending their relationship with their father is that they feel they shouldn't have to be the one to initiate the reconciliation and reconnection. Women feel that their dad should be the "bigger man," and so they just wait begrudgingly for their fathers to come to them with open arms. Look ladies: that is probably not going to happen, so abandon this way of thinking straight away. The reality is that your father is a man, and men typically have more repressed emotions than women. Forgive your father for not having the most exceptional relationship and communication skills. You're only punishing yourself by playing the waiting game. Just because he is the parent doesn't mean you can't make the first move toward strengthening your bond.
If your goal is to build the bond between you and your dad, the first step is figuring out for yourself what it is that you would need to feel comfortable and content with your father-daughter relationship. Basically, what's the problem with your relationship now? Think of the obvious - this doesn't have to be an incredibly daunting process. Maybe it bothers you that you only see your dad at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and you never hear from him in between. You ideal would be that your dad would stay in touch with your throughout the year, not out of obligation, but out of interest and love. Maybe your dad is constantly putting down your romantic relationships or your lifestyle or line of work. Your ideal would be that you dad would accept and love you just as you are. Think about what you're missing and what you want.
The strain between you and your father may be attributed to a particular event or incident that drove a wedge between the two of you for some reason. If your parent's got divorced, you may be harboring resentment towards your dad because of the way that things played out during your parent's divorce. Even if you love your mom and have a pretty healthy relationship with her, if you grew up hearing her badmouth your dad regularly, you may just be resenting your father because your mother did or does resent him, and that's not fair. Tracing your way back to the root of your problems will help you to resolve the issues with your father
Once you've taken the time to think things through, it's time for you to get the ball rolling with your dad. Don't rely on a phone call or letter or e-mail for this mending. You have to talk to your dad in person, whatever that takes - whether you have to travel or not. Find the time to - sooner and not later - to talk to your dad. It may be scary, but it will be worth it if you come out of things with a new sense of love and acceptance from your father. Too many fathers and daughters never get around to reconnecting with each other, and that procrastination is something that they regret immensely, when it's too late.
The excuse that so many daughters make in regards to not mending their relationship with their father is that they feel they shouldn't have to be the one to initiate the reconciliation and reconnection. Women feel that their dad should be the "bigger man," and so they just wait begrudgingly for their fathers to come to them with open arms. Look ladies: that is probably not going to happen, so abandon this way of thinking straight away. The reality is that your father is a man, and men typically have more repressed emotions than women. Forgive your father for not having the most exceptional relationship and communication skills. You're only punishing yourself by playing the waiting game. Just because he is the parent doesn't mean you can't make the first move toward strengthening your bond.
If your goal is to build the bond between you and your dad, the first step is figuring out for yourself what it is that you would need to feel comfortable and content with your father-daughter relationship. Basically, what's the problem with your relationship now? Think of the obvious - this doesn't have to be an incredibly daunting process. Maybe it bothers you that you only see your dad at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and you never hear from him in between. You ideal would be that your dad would stay in touch with your throughout the year, not out of obligation, but out of interest and love. Maybe your dad is constantly putting down your romantic relationships or your lifestyle or line of work. Your ideal would be that you dad would accept and love you just as you are. Think about what you're missing and what you want.
The strain between you and your father may be attributed to a particular event or incident that drove a wedge between the two of you for some reason. If your parent's got divorced, you may be harboring resentment towards your dad because of the way that things played out during your parent's divorce. Even if you love your mom and have a pretty healthy relationship with her, if you grew up hearing her badmouth your dad regularly, you may just be resenting your father because your mother did or does resent him, and that's not fair. Tracing your way back to the root of your problems will help you to resolve the issues with your father
Once you've taken the time to think things through, it's time for you to get the ball rolling with your dad. Don't rely on a phone call or letter or e-mail for this mending. You have to talk to your dad in person, whatever that takes - whether you have to travel or not. Find the time to - sooner and not later - to talk to your dad. It may be scary, but it will be worth it if you come out of things with a new sense of love and acceptance from your father. Too many fathers and daughters never get around to reconnecting with each other, and that procrastination is something that they regret immensely, when it's too late.
Published by M. Hughes
Marie enjoys writing on a broad range of topics. View profile
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- Every daughter wants to have a good relationship with her father.
- Just because he is the parent doesn�t mean you can�t make the first move towards reconnecting.
- Don�t rely on a phone call or letter or e-mail for this mending -- do it face-to-face.
Too many fathers and daughters never get around to reconnecting with each other, and that procrastination is something that they regret immensely, when it�s too late.
35 Comments
Post a CommentNot every relationship should be mended. Sometimes daddy is a bad person and no relationship is better than a toxic one. Sure there may be a feeling of loss for not having a father, but thats life. Life isn't always fair.
I am the same Richard few lines below. My precious child, is finally graduating from H.S. and leaving that toxic environment her mother put her through for the past 11 years.Maybe, once she gets her freedom, develops her own personality and finally sees the truth, we will finally be able to have a normal father-daughter relationship.Lets hope, this will take place soon. I am up there in years and I may not be around too long.The pain, suffering and tears over the years, have taking their toll. I love her, miss her and wish her the very best. She deserves it.
but full of poop if the absent parent is not a good person and letcherous DONT YELL AT THE VICTIM
When you harbor hate, you are a prisoner. I've forgiven but not forgotten the transgressions of my father. I have come to realize that I have absolutely no control over anyone but myself. When you take care of yourself and accomplish all of your personal goals, you will be satisfied. Family is a large part of your lifestyle, but God will place people in your path that fill the void. Remember when one door closes, another one opens.
This is exactly what I tried to tell my daughter. But now my daughter never wants to see or speak to her father again. She is almost 19 and recently went to visit him (we live 1100 miles apart). He asked her to come, he would buy the ticket. She didn't want to go, I urged her to...thinking now she is in college, he might treat her like a young adult. But he tells her things (about me) constantly that are so twisted out of proportion and embellished (he was no angel but I wouldn't tell our daughter any details). Things he says hurt her and now she doesn't want to go see him or talk to him ever again after this visit. This has been going on for 8 plus years. I feel like I am pushing her into a toxic relationship. I couldn't live with his emotional abuse. Why should I encourage her to live with it? She is visiting him right now and wants to come back ASAP. She only has 2 more days, but it will be torture. I am SURE. Crazy as it sounds, right now, she explains to me how she feels and I su
My ex-wife is an alcoholic with a deep personality disorder. She followed the path that her Mother took and subtly drove a wedge between my daughter and I from the moment that my daughter could talk until emotionally I was shut out. Just as happened with her own Father. I felt that I was never allowed to bond with my daughter and as she grew my parental position was constantly undermined. Any attempt to impose even the mildest form of boundary was met with over-indulgence from my wife. Also my wife had a perverse nature that required anything good to be spoiled and eventually destroyed. By the time my daughter was 11 years old she and I had become strangers under the same roof. The situation became intolerable and when my wife realised that our family was likely to break up she then instigated emotional blackmail that instead of resolving the situation, actually made it worse.
After the split I tried to share my daughter but was thwarted at every turn. After 3 years of being treated l
It is a crying shame that divorce causes so much pain for everyone, in particular, our children.In my case, the ex-wife, left the house to be with another woman and moved my child 150 miles away from the jurisdiction.As with any relationship nowadays, five years later, they broke up and the ex, immediately moved in with a very dark character. They have been together for a few years, neither one has a steady job, yet, lots of money comes into that household. They take trips around the Country and around the world.They spent this past summer in Medellin, Colombia, the cocaine capital of the world. The ex just has a "breasts augmentation", a very expensive procedure. She drives a E320 Mercedes and their shopping sprees are every other day. They are off to the the Keys this week end and in November, they are going to a very expensive ski resort in Tennessee.They do so every year. Needless to say, I am very concerned about my child's safety. When I called the authorities to let them know a
I have also read the book Toxic Parents and overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life by susan forward, Phd. I am 38 years old and was pretty much a daddy's girl until my parents got divorced when I was 13. He left for a woman 10 years his junior and paid no maintenance or provided any support to me nor my mother after the divorce. He was then in a car accident and he distanced himself from me and felt that I had not given him enough of my time yet he was never there for me, instead he left me to become a parent to an alcoholic mother - i know that i need to find forgiveness in my heart to move on from the pain and hurt he has caused but it is really, really difficult - the effect it is has had on me is that i don't trust men - i am wary of them and cannot feel vulnerable in their presence. As for my step mother well that is a different story altogether.
Father and Daughter Alliance(FADA) is working to help strengthen father and daughter relationships all over the world.
For more information:
www.fatheranddaughter.org
The problem is the shool system, the family court system, the legal and mental communities who gave themselves the RIGHT to become the third partner in every home in America. Kids at a very early age, are learning to "confront" their parents. The first number the learn in a Day Care Center is 911. "If your mom or Dad "touches you" call 911. From a very early age, they(the corrupt) system, is turning our own children against us. Furthermore, there are no moral values. A child learn very early, that is "normal" for a boy to have two fathers and for a girl to have two mothers. The girls are thought early, that boys are "inferior". Girl power "rocks", in the name of the new movie. The inept and disgusting Divorce Courts, are separating fathers from children as never seen before in the history of the world. They(legal and mental health communities) are using whatever methods possible. False allegations. Abuse. Mental and physical. It is a no win situation for loving and caring fathers. I am