David Beckham's Inauspicious Debut - But, Look at that Bum!

For all of the hype surrounding David Beckham's arrival to the Los Angeles Galaxy and Major League Soccer, the game between Chelsea and the Galaxy, Beckham's supposed unveiling, was, to quote one of Beckham's more famous countryman, "Much Ado About Nothing."

Literally. In what was supposed to be the unveiling of the man who would save soccer in the United States, the Galaxy lost a rather World Cup like one to nothing to a Chelsea team that appeared to find the hype rather unwarranted. Neither team played with any interest. And, to make matters worse, Beckham didn't even make an appearance on the field until after the 76th minute.

The cries that United States soccer fans now hear are the inevitable yelps of NFL fans who, let's be honest, were afraid that the "Beckham thing" might take some of the fire away from the many NFL training camps starting late next week.

NFL fans, and the NFL, need not worry. The only thing that the hype around David Beckham has shown us is that Americans, given an extremely handsome couple to work with, can turn anything into a reality television show as evidenced by Mrs. Beckham's, Posh Spice to some, debut on national television.

Mrs. Beckham's show was panned nationwide and the ratings not nearly what NBC expected. I for one found Mrs. Beckham quite charming on her show, as the Brits would say. Charming and very intelligent compared to the usual celebrity who graces our national airwaves.

In any case, no one can argue that Mrs. Beckham is, well, less interesting than David Beckham.

Soccer is not a bad sport. Soccer, when viewed live, is not a boring sport, but David Beckham's greatest quality, at the least the quality most American's care about, is his unfathomable handsomeness. That handsomeness was drowned out by the fact that soccer is a long lens sport. Long lenses are not the modus operandi if one wishes to view a 250 million butt, sometimes referred to as the "bum" by Beckham's Englishmen.

I for one could care nothing about Beckham's bum. However, there was nothing else during the game that explained to me why a sports league, who's greatest claim to fame is that it still exists, found it necessary to shell out 250 million dollars to a handsome Englishman with a crew-cut. 250 million is a lot of money. So much money in fact, that in order for me to really understand how much, I have to repeat it: 250 million, 250 million, 250 million...

The real problem, of course, is that soccer just doesn't work for us Americans. I wrote an article last month, published on Associated Content, that explained why we don't like soccer. Soccer is the game us Americans throw our kids into to get them something to do on weekends. It's not something we really care about. The fact that Disney, the parent company of ESPN, decided to show the game on ESPN instead of their national network, ABC, proves what they think about soccer.

That's not a knock against soccer, or MLS, or the L.A. Galaxy, or even David Beckham. It's just the truth. I know it's the truth because after the game the person I automatically thought about was Reggie Bush. Reggie is in a national commercial with David Beckham. Reggie wears a Beckham jersey. David where's a Bush Jersey.

I thought about Reggie because Reggie probably had the most to think about after standing next to David Beckham during the commercial shoot. He might have been thinking about how he his ten year contract with the New Orleans Saints amounted to 60 million. That's a shade less than 250 million.

But, then, maybe he saw Beckham's first game in the States and realized why he decided to play football when he was just a wee little boy in Southern California. It's just more fun and he will probably make more money than Beckham, eventually, at least in the United States. Soccer is a black hole to advertisers. There's no money in soccer, not in this country, advertisers know it, sports fans know it, and if you can't make money in the capitalist bastion of the entire world, eventually people forget about you. Too bad for Beckham, but Reggie shouldn't feel sorry for him.

Nobody should feel sorry. If soccer doesn't succeed because of Beckham's arrival, it has nothing to do with soccer and it has nothing to do with us American sports fans. It just isn't a good mix - - like Jack Daniel's and orange soda.

We'll stick to our NFL dogfighters, our game fixing NBA referees, our steroid induced baseball players.

Don't shed a tear for David Beckham. The 250 million dollar man will be okay in the States - - as long as he's got that bum.