David Letterman Quotes: Funny Quotes from Late Night Host

It shouldn't be a surprise that most of David Letterman's quotes are funny. The late night host is paid to entertain and a lot of that involves making us laugh. Of course, this means that David Letterman's funny quotes can sometimes border on a line of what should and shouldn't be joked about. When in doubt, a comedian usually just takes a leap over the line and figures the heck with it. As one can tell with Letterman's quote on Woody Allen, the late night host does just that. But we knew this in advance, so with David Letterman's quotes we should just have an open mind and have a laugh.

Here are the top ten best David Letterman quotes:

David Letterman quote on Woody Allen.

"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."

Fall in Los Angeles

"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."

On why David Letterman became a talk show host

"I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host."

How they share a cab in New York

"People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine."

So you are saying mine has just been on pause all this time?

"There is no off position on the genius switch."

David Letterman quote on John Kerry

"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."

Arnold Schwarzenegger for President

"Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material."

Unique souvenirs from New York City

"New York is great though. If you're here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant."

David Letterman quote on trying to repair his marriage

"Because you think an explosion has taken place and you're looking at the shards and you say, 'Well, can we put this back together?' And by God, maybe you can put it back together. And maybe it won't be the same, but maybe it will be different, and maybe it can even be better in a different way."

David Letterman on friendship

"I've had nothing but great friendship to help me through this."

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