De-bunking the Strong Woman Theory
Let's Let Men Be Men and Women Be Women
I'm sure most of you, whether male or female, have heard about the so called "strong woman" theory. It has been around since the beginning of time, and personally I am tired of hearing it. I am a woman, a wife, and a mother. I am a strong person, not just a strong woman. I believe that the majority of us have to be strong and your sex has nothing to do with it. In the past women have been considered a second rate citizen, but no matter how much the feminist want to beat it into the heads of all Americans, it is not entirely the case anymore.
The reason I am attempting to tackle this topic is because of a recent conversation with my mother, who is of the "baby boom" generation. I had been told this in the past, but it wasn't until recently that I actually "heard" what she was trying to tell me. She had basically lectured me on how women have to be the strong ones in the relationship and have to support men secretively in order to keep them faithful. Let's look at the first part of that statement: women have to be the strong ones in the relationship. How odd. I was under the assumption that both man and woman needed to be strong, and in the least the woman should be more "soft". I understand where she was going with this, I really do. She was simply trying to explain to me how the woman ends up taking on more in the family and carrying more of the burden. Well, as a stay at home mom, wife, and full time student I could easily feel this way. I could feel like I am the only one in the family that is taking on so much as has to carry the burden of all on my back. However, it is part of my job! I am a stay at home mom, not a stay at home woman that sits on the couch to eat bon bons all day. While my husband is at his job doing what they pay him to do, I am at home doing my job which involves taking care of myself, my children, and my house. I knew the job description when applying, so if I did not want so much responsibility then I would have my kids in daycare and would be either sitting at home doing much of nothing or working somewhere. So why on earth would any woman consider any of what I do a "burden" anyway? It's a choice, not a burden.
Here's an interesting thought: maybe if more women would lighten up and not try to be the so called "strong one" in the relationship, then maybe things would be a little better from time to time. Why don't we let men be men and women be women? I know, it sounds like I am trying to undo all of the "hard work" that the feminists have done up to this point. Maybe we need some of it undone. I realize that not all women have the luxury of staying at home, and so what the feminist groups have done for women's rights in the workplace is good, kind of. The bad side of it is how much harder my husband has to work in order to get an upper level position, all based on the fact that a company does not want a lawsuit from a woman because she was not given the position instead. So this mentality hurts some families, just not enough apparently. Unfortunately, at this point in time it is almost like beating a dead horse though. I do not foresee things changing anytime in the near future, because there are still so many women's right's groups out there beating down the corporate world and the rest of us.
I honestly wish there was a way to get young girls not to think that they have to be the backbone of the family or the secretive "strong" one. Maybe if women with young girls would not tell them this, it may begin a small change in thoughts. Unfortunately, until there are no more nut job feminists groups complaining about equal rights on everything under the sun, I don't see any change coming. Personally, I have begun having my husband make more decisions and actually be the "man" of our relationship. First you must get out of the so called "strong woman" mindset though. We, as women, must begin to realize that our husbands are stronger than us; it's just that they are not allowed to show it anymore. Maybe if more of us women would treat our husbands like a man they wouldn't stray so often. Let's face it; they have needs just like we have needs. Most of the time our needs are different, but as long as each person is happy and their roles are definite, then I truly believe the relationship can stand the test of time.
Could it possibly be that if roles in relationships were actually set the way they were supposed to be, then the divorce rate would be less? Think about it for a minute. You have the wife, which either works outside the home or takes care of the kids. Then you have the husband that either works outside the home or runs his business inside the home (not meaning taking care of the kids). Then add to this mix the basic roles of man and woman. The woman does a majority of cooking and cleaning, with some help from her husband. The man does the yard work and repairs, while both handle the finances together so nobody is in the dark about how much money is there. Now let's have the woman show love and gentleness to her husband while in return the man shows romance from time to time, but in return for her affection he gives back to her with what ever need she has (ex: massages, flowers, etc). Let's allow the man to make more of the decisions, just make sure he makes his wife aware of what is going on. Let's stop the nonsense and let men feel like men and women feel more feminine and womanly! Let the woman wear dresses or skirts and heels for goodness sake! And by all means let the man feel like he's got a pair and they are not located in his wife's purse! Maybe then we will begin to have happier couples and in the end, happier and stronger families that will last generations.
Published by Miss Faith
Miss Faith is a full time student and she is currently working with About.com as the Guide to Makeup. She has finished her Bachelor's Degree in Intelligence Studies, as well as an Associate's Degree in CIS/N... View profile
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50 Comments
Post a CommentI have no problem with liking skirts and heels, or cars and football; I only have a problem when we say that somebody else should or shouldn't.
We first of all have to make the crucial distinction between equality of opportunity (which we DO want) and equality of outcome (which never works), and moreover recognize that this equality is not limited to politics or economics, but far more importantly extends to our value judgements and how society defines "success", a good/stable/happy/worthwile life, or even what it means to be "sexy". I agree wholeheartedly that nobody should judge you for being a stay at home mother or your husband for enjoying his job and making household decisions, but likewise we shouldn't judge those women that want to be full-time doctors and lawyers and stay at home fathers who let their wives make household decisions. Just reading that last sentence without passing unconcious value judgements is hard even for me, so deeply engrained is the idea of the way things "should" be in society's uncouncious.
I have no problem with liking skirts and heels, or cars and football; I only have a problem when we s
Everybody here definately brings up some very good issues, but I think there needs to be a bit more care about how people start dropping the F-bomb. "Feminism" and "Feminist" have come to mean alot of different things; I think that generally the media, and by proxy, the image that the general public has, is that feminists are all of the bra-burning, granola crunchy activist, essentialist, "grrrl-power", "masculinity is oppressing us", variety. While they definately exist, I don't think that "Feminism" should be confined to this definition.
There are quite a few feminists out there (myself included, as well as some political feminists, postmodern feminists, and third-wave feminists), who would indeed be nodding along and agreeing with your article; I think that a fair portion would even go so far as to say that you are also a feminist (although you might deny it). At least, up until the last paragraph. "...the way they were supposed to be..." We first of all have to make the crucia
There's an entire Men's Movement that agrees with this article.
You have got to be kidding. This woman really NEEDS to update her files. It's 2007 sweetheart--time to grow up and take responsibility for being female and being much smarter and intuitive than most men. The facts are the facts--don't distort them. Women, speak out, discover, explore, invent, create, and love passionately. Men who have a complete set will LOVE IT!
shouldn't fly. lol.
I agree completely about the women who make judgment calls on my choice to stay home with my children. It is not a burden, and it most definitely does not enable me to sit around and take the easy road. I personally believe its the more challenging road and I'm thankful for the opportunity to do it. I agree with you. I wish more women could see how important and rewarding being a SAHM is over going out in the workforce. I really do feel bad for the women who have no choice otherwise.
I think baby boomer women have that "I must do it all" mentality because that's what was really expected of them. During the wars while the men were gone, women had to step up. After the wars, women had to be not only the trophy wife but still run the household as well. Sadly, once marriages started to deteriorate women's roles began to change again into the "I don't need a man. I can do this all by myself" attitude. That's ok if you're single I guess, but if you're in a relationship, that definitely s
Oh, and the comment about women thinking staying at home with their children as being a "burden", I actually said it's a choice not a burden. What I was referring to, and I probably could have said this, was how some of the baby boomer feminists have made comments in the past of how stay at home moms are stupid. Meaning they have no intelligence and couldn't possibly go get a "real" job. I don't think my job is a burden, but you are correct for saying that being a mother can be hard. I completely agree with that. I have bad days, just like everyone else. But I would never think of my job or my children as a burden on me. Like I said, it's my choice to do what I do. And I do realize I have that choice because of feminism, but a lot of what they do now days can be over the line, not to mention some of them in the media despise women like me that stay at home instead of trying to get ahead in the workplace. Okay. I'm done rambling. Thanks again for commenting.
It seems like over the past several years the feminist groups have over taken the country and have basically set the standards for men and women. Let's face it...just like the average woman likes to feel and act feminine when she can, don't you think the man would like to act more masculine? On average, men don't get the chance and for the most part neither do women. Another thing is about the divorce rate. The baby boomers tend to think that women need to be strong in the relationship, AND maybe even a little secretive. It would shock you to know how many women of that age think that you should make sure to keep your man happy, but also empower yourself and keep a little money in an account for yourself. What's the money for? Normally I've been told it's "just in case" they need to leave their husband. That way they have money to go. Or it's money they are keeping to use for themselves and they don't want the man to know. I understand they were raised differently, and most o
Kirsten - You're right, the way things are read on the internet can be taken out of context, and not to mention I have been virtually hammered on what I wrote in this article...mostly from the "baby boomers". My defenses were up and I am really sorry if I responded so rash over your comment. Here is what I was saying in a nutshell: Baby boomers, such as my mother, tend to have an unrealistic thought that women need to be the stronger half of the relationship. They are of the "I am woman hear me roar" era and they are the ones you tend to hear from all over the media that are supposedly "speaking" for all women. I honestly think that the women that are younger than the baby boomers tend to have a more well rounded relationship. By this I mean they tend to share the duties. I stated that men should make more decisions, not all decisions. I make a lot of the financial decisions at my house, especially paying bills. I feel like its part of my job since I am at home all day. But I