Dead Silence Movie Review

Since the dawn of time, man has always been searching for a way to provoke fear in the hearts of his fellow man because mankind is a sadistic bastard. Such research in fear has led to the development of the springing rubber snake, theatrical blood, and Rosie O'Donnell on TV. One of the best means of provoking fear is the horror film. Horror films project some of the most thrilling and horrific scenes imagined or unimaginable onto a visual format for others to enjoy. Horror films also personify our fears through movie characters like Freddy Krueger or that guy from Supersize Me.

The creators of the Saw franchise brought forth the horror film titled Dead Silence, which is the tale of a small town terrorized by the dolls of a dead ventriloquist. Usually, I would not care for such films. But with several of my friends now thinking of or already owning their own ball jointed dolls (BJD or Village of the Damned child), I was wondering if the filmmmaker's image of horror involving dolls matched mine. Helping me with this review are two dolls. Perhaps they will enjoy Dead Silence better than a non-doll fan like me.

So now I turn it over to Cosette and Eponine, the stars of the hit ball jointed doll comedy series Cosette and Eponine.

Eponine: "Good evening. In an unusual act of friendship, our father Tom bought us tickets and threw us into the movie theater to watch Dead Silence, an imaginative depiction of what we Ball Jointed Dolls (BJDs) do to people like Tom who don't like us."

Cosette: "Papa bought me COKE! It's like liquid cocaine!"

Eponine: "Dead Silence shows that not everything in the world of BJDs is fancy EGL clothing and tea parties."

Cosette: "TEA PARTIES! WHEEEEEE!"

Eponine: "Unfortunately, BJDs were expensive to hire for this movie so the producers decided to employ an older line of ventriloquist dolls. They're not as ball-jointed as us, but they can still serve their purpose according to our plans of world domination."

Cosette: "I want a tea party!"

Eponine: "Dead Silence is an R-rated film inappropriate for children due to graphic violence that may scare or scar them mentally. Or worse, children may be influenced to imitate the violent acts. Fortunately for us, we young BJDs have already been programmed to commit violent acts to people who don't like us."

Cosette: "I'm 10 years old!"

Eponine: "In the movie, a violent murder is somehow traced to a small town, where local folklore states that dolls are on a killing spree to avenge the death of their owner/carrier. And this brings the first lesson to BJD carriers: Never own more dolls than you can afford or handle. If you take your eyes off us, even due to your death, we run amok unsupervised."

Cosette: "The movie does a good job of portraying how we move. Sometimes we scuttle across the floor and other times we just suddenly show up in front of people's faces. I found myself grinning when I saw the main doll playing 'Hide and Seek,' Staring Contest,' 'Be The First Thing Seen In The Morning' and 'Keep Your Eyes On The Victim.' I play the same games with Papa."

Eponine: "Unfortunately, they didn't have my favorite games with Father of 'Poke Him,' 'Kick Him' or 'Suck His Brains,' though the main doll does play a similar game involving the victims' tongues."

Eponine: "My main complaint with this movie was how the dolls attacked their prey. They showed us using some sort of psychic or spiritual ability to induce fear before going in for the kill. This is not very accurate. True, our cuteness and life-like features may cause fear. But when it comes to the kill, we are fully capable of using our hands and the tools of our carriers. I prefer the elegance of a kitchen knife or even one of Father's hand-cannons."

Cosette: "I like using hairdryers! It makes a pretty light show full of sparkles when I throw one in the bathtub. So, what did you think of the depiction of the dolls, Eponine? Those older models were so 19th Century."

Eponine: "The movie depicted us as flammable and vulnerable to shotgun blasts. These depictions are complete lies. We are too cute for people, even those who don't like us, to actually want to burn or shoot us."

Cosette: "Except Papa, who would punt us because we're so cute."

Eponine: "And not to spoil the ending, but after watching this movie, Life-Sized Chii dolls are looking a lot better now."

Eponine: "Though this movie was no 'Saw,' I found 'Dead Silence' to be a fun way to kill 1.5 hours except when the people were mulling about the plot and the dolls weren't in the scene. What did you like about the movie, Cosette?"

Cosette: "I liked the popcorn and candy that Papa bought us. I'm stuffed."

Dead Silence is available at pretty much any store selling DVDs. Check the bargain bin.