Deadly Oysters? Some Other Things the Government Should Ban

On November 14^th the Food and Drug Administration announced that it would conduct more studies before enacting a ban on the sale of raw oysters harvested in the Gulf of Mexico during months when they are more susceptible to infection with the bacteria Vibrio vulnificus. Ingesting infected oysters resulted in the deaths of fifteen people last year. Challenges from Gulf Coast lawmakers encouraged the FDA to backtrack. Their reasoning for pushing back at the FDA was centered on the fact that the equipment to treat the oysters is prohibitively expensive and would force small oyster processors out of business. The treatment also affects the flavor of the oysters which will result in lower sales and this could potentially devastate the industry. With an election coming up the politicians probably felt that wiping out a major industry and adding to the current 10.1% unemployment rate wasn't such a good idea.

Statistically, fifteen deaths is an insignificant number, but we have to remember that the number certainly isn't insignificant to the families of the people involved. That said though, is this such a major crisis that thousands of other lives should be destroyed to potentially prevent it? The problem here is that this rule is not being considered and debated in the halls inhabited by our duly elected officials, officials who are directly accountable to their constituents. Instead it is a rule developed by nameless, faceless bureaucrats, accountable only to other bureaucrats, and whose job performance is judged by the number of new rules they get passed. So in the interest of furthering the government's efforts to protect us from everything, I offer the following problems and new regulations to save us from them.

In 2000 26 people were killed in dog attacks. The USDA should expand its oversight of animals in the U.S. to ban the private ownership of dogs. By removing the dogs from people's homes the potential for attack is removed and these lives could be saved. The animals could be housed in zoos where the populace may observe them without the danger of actual contact.

Also in 2000 134 children died from tipping furniture onto themselves. New regulations should be developed by the Consumer Product Safety Commission regarding the construction of furniture to make sure that it is impossible to tip over, either by making sure its center of gravity is so low that it won't tip, or all furniture must be secured to the floor or walls by a federally licensed contractor.

In 2004 351 people died by drowning in their bathtubs. The bathtub is so dangerous that it never should have been allowed on the market. Here the CPSC should step in with an outright ban and immediate removal from all residences in the country. While there are no available statistics on deaths from hot tubs, they should probably be banned as well.

In 2006 355 People died from falls from ladders. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration could expand its scope of responsibility with new regulations banning private ownership of ladders. All ladders must be used by specially trained and again, federally licensed contractors who will be responsible for such things as changing light bulbs and cleaning gutters. Think of all the jobs that will be created!

In 2007 499 people died from e coli contaminated beef from various sources. This has proven to be a chronic problem in our food supply. If the FDA were to initiate an outright ban on the sale of beef for consumption in the United States the benefits would tremendous on several levels. Elimination of beef consumption would lead to weight loss among Americans by putting many fast food places out of business thereby eliminating our obesity problem. The reduction of the number of cattle being kept will reduce the amount methane gas released into the air from bovine flatulence thereby reducing global warming as well. It's a win - win for everybody, unless you happen to work in the cattle or fast food industries. Nobody likes them anyway.

An average of 500 children die each year from reactions to over the counter cold remedies. The nerve of people to actually try to self medicate, or worse medicate their children for something as complex as a runny nose. The FDA should immediately ban the sale of all over the counter medications. All drugs should be dispensed from government run dispensaries under strict control of government employed doctors; unless the drugs are recreational in nature, in which case anyone who wants to set up a storefront can sell them in the name of individual freedom. Once the government takes over health care they can just give away the drugs anyway.

In 2000 650 people died from falling out of bed or off of other furniture. The CPSC should immediately step in and order the removal of all furniture taller than twelve inches. For added safety all hardwood, tile and stone floors should be either removed or retrofitted with special padding to prevent anyone who might fall from injuring themselves. The cost of this program could be covered by a special regulatory fee (It's not really a tax if they call it a "fee"!) on homes over 2,000 square feet. It's just rich people's money; they have more than they know what to do with anyway.

In 2005 1,307 people died from injuries sustained in falls down stairs. This particular danger affects people of all age groups. The government should order all houses with staircases of more than three feet to be immediately retrofitted with elevators. This will stimulate the economy through the creation of construction jobs.

In 2007 19,383 people died from accidental overdoses of prescription drugs. Once again people simply cannot be trusted to medicate themselves, even when given specific written instructions. The FDA should require that all people taking prescription medications report to a licensed dispensing point each time they need their medicine where they will be given their medications and their dosages accurately tracked. This also has the added benefit of being a huge job creator when the government takes over healthcare.

In 2008 just over 39,800 people died in traffic accidents. This is easy to solve. A new National Highway Traffic Safety Administration regulation should immediately ban the operation of all privately owned motor vehicles on the Interstate Highway System. Anyone operating a motor vehicle on the Interstate Highway System should be required to possess a federal operating license that can only be obtained after completing at least a year of training. The Department of Transportation could use its control of federal highway funds to force the states to pass laws requiring much stricter licensing to operate a motor vehicle on their own roads as well. This will solve a lot of problems beyond the safety issue. With all of those cars off of the road emissions will be reduced, we will achieve energy independence, and thousands of jobs will be created for the construction and operation of huge mass transit projects.

All of these figures come from the CDC, NTSHA, CPSC, FDA, or OSHA. Also note that I do not refer to new laws being passed, because surprisingly there really are not that many new laws passed each year. Those that are passed mainly deal with the tax code and budgets anyway. We are not governed by lawmakers so much as we are regulated by bureaucrats.

The Congress has effectively surrendered their lawmaking responsibilities to the Executive Branch and the departments have responded with a veritable flood of regulations. Since direct election of the Senate was enacted the state governments have no one in Washington looking out for their interests and this, along with their control of federal funds, gives the departments the ability to dictate to the states what their laws will be, regardless of what the state legislatures want. This ability is far beyond the Constitutional authority granted the Executive Branch, but control of the money is a powerful tool. It simply comes down to "Do it our way or we'll cut you off."

While they cannot jail anyone for violating their regulations, the threat of fines and lawsuits is sufficient to bend any person or company to their will, unless, as in the situation with the oysters, lawmakers become outraged and take action. The bureaucrats know that elected officials come and go, but while they are in office they hold the purse strings.

The things I suggest above are of course, farfetched, but are within the realm of possibility. If a person looks hard enough he will find someone who supports at least one of the items on the list. Instant support and funding for almost anything can be obtained through enough sensational reporting that creates a climate of crisis. Case in point:

As of November 12^th the H1N1 virus or "Swine Flu" has killed an estimated 3,900 people in the United States. According to the CDC an estimated 36,000 people die of the normal seasonal flu every year. Is this a national emergency? The President declared it to be one, but why isn't the seasonal flu an emergency? More people are going to succumb to it and it's just as contagious, but it happens every year so it's just not very newsworthy, and certainly not worthy of more than the passing interest of our government. The estimated 30 to 40 thousand traffic deaths that will happen this year will garner only a few seconds of time on the national news; that is if there isn't anything else to talk about. If there is, it won't get mentioned at all.

Oh, and the oysters? We really don't need the government for this when our grandmothers told us to never eat raw oysters during months that don't have an "R" in them. We should all listen to our grandmothers.