Deal with Passive Agressive Children

So you, or some one you know has a passive aggressive child? You probably feel like most of us parents out there; confused, frustrated, and angry. Well before you lose your mind, or consider adoption (just kidding) check out these helpful hints that may improve you and your child's relationship.

First, try to learn a little bit about passive aggressiveness. A good solider knows his enemy, and you might as well keep your eyes closed and run around in the dark if you don't include learning about your child's disorder as part of your attack plan. For instance, the DSM-III-R lists passive aggressive behavior as a personality disorder or a defense mechanism, you could be asking yourself, "What exactly does my child think he or she has to protect themselves from?"

If you sense your child is withdrawn and withholding themselves, encourage them, little by little, everyday, to openly and honestly express their feelings. Remind your child that no feeling is "right" or "wrong", that they are merely feelings, while at the same time reminding them they can't always let their negative feelings control their actions.

If you have the financial resources, get yourself and your child into professional counseling. Professional counselors have spent years in school, and many more years behind the desk with real families just like yours, and no matter how uncomfortable it may be to go see one, it may just be what makes the difference.

One thing to certainly shy away from in the case of all passive aggressive, including the very young, is "playing the game." When you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that your child is exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior, simply ignore this behavior completely. I know this sounds hard, to nearly impossible, especially when you love your child so much, but eventually, if you stick your guns long enough, your child will understand that passive aggressive behavior simply won't "work" with you any longer, like it used to. As always, praise good behavior, so your child understands what WILL work.

If the situation room gets a little too heated, excuse yourself. Remember that a child is a child, and you the adult, are well... you're an adult! Crying, kicking, screaming, demanding, and yelling are all symptoms of someone in their terrible two's, not of a thirty-five year old, fully developed human being! Should a situation ever get so hot that you need to let it all out, find a constructive way, which non-hurtful to yourself, or to your child to let out your anger. I always find that taking a drive and blaring the music as loud as the stereo will go does the job quite well.

There are constructive ways to confront your child's passive aggressive behavior without creating a negative, hurtful environment. Here are a few suggestions you may want go by when confronting their behavior.

A. Make sure the conversation is private. Don't put on a show for the whole household. This will make your child feel cornered, and will more than likely only increase negative behavior.

B. Make sure that you set a time limit on this conversation before it begins. A good talk is healthy, but all of the worlds problems are not solved during a simple conversation.

C. Always make sure to place the negative comments towards the behavior, and not the child themselves.

You're already taking the most important step; the first one. Chances are your child has never even heard of the term "passive-aggressive", so how in turn would they work on their own to correct a behavior they don't even know they're exhibiting? Stick to your guns, you'll sleep easier at night for it, and who knows.. your child may even thank you one day!!