Dealing with Annoying Neighbors

We can't always change our neighbors' annoying behavior, but how we approach a volatile situation may make all the difference. Often just bringing the problem to your neighbors' attention can resolve it quickly and quietly, whether you need your neighbors to remove the couch from the front yard, tie up their dog, or turn down their radio at night. But not if you don't follow some simple neighborly etiquette first. The following tips can help resolve conflict and restore peace to your neighborhood.

Be understanding.

Your neighbors probably don't even know their behavior is a problem. Most people don't play loud music to be a pest, but because they like it. The same goes for your own behavior; you may also do things that bother others. Decide if the problem is really worth getting upset about. It may be easier to change the way you feel, than trying to change someone else's habits. Can you do something to neutralize the situation without approaching the neighbors (building a fence to keep their dog out of your yard, or running a fan on high at night to drown out their noise)? If the answer is no, then go on to resolve the situation, keeping in mind that in the future the circumstances may be reversed.

Give a good impression.

Act to address the problem early, but never react and let your annoyance get the best of you. Don't march next door and make demands of your neighbors, or try to micromanage the neighborhood. Instead use tact and diplomacy, and don't wait too long to let your neighbors know of the problem. Avoid letters and phone calls unless your neighbors are rarely home or don't answer the door. Write letters and leave messages with care. It's more difficult to understand tone of voice in a letter or a phone call because there is no body language to accompany the words. Neutral or even polite words can easily be taken as offensive, especially if the reader or listener expects to be offended.

Be friends.

Instead of making enemies that will do all they can to annoy you, make friends that see their happiness connected to yours. Introduce new neighbors to your neighborhood, offer help when you're able, and do your best to make your new neighbors comfortable. You don't even have to bake a pie, but simply stopping outside when they're in the yard and showing interest in their lives can be enough to break the ice. It may seem like too much work, but remember, you don't get something for nothing. If you want someone to change their behavior it may help to build some relationship capital.

Stay cool under pressure.

Be calm and collected. Showing exasperation and raising your voice can be disrespectful, especially to a stranger. This bad first impression can stick for a very long time and be very hard to shake. Politely tell your annoying neighbors what the problem is, explain why it bothers you, suggest a way to fix the problem that benefits both sides (if possible, and if not, just a way to fix the problem), and ask them if they would comply. Many times they will.

Be persistent, but if all else fails, call the cops.

If you understand your city's rules and regulations concerning noise pollution, pets, and other issues (and the neighbors are clearly violating them), don't hesitate to call the police if the problem continues despite your best efforts to resolve it. Use the local dispatch number, not 911, or go down to the police station personally to fill out a complaint. Be as specific as possible and show respect to any officers you deal with. Neighbors who refuse to listen to you will often shape up in a hurry when faced with a fine. Hopefully your problem never gets far enough to involve law enforcement, but police officers exist to help resolve disputes. It's their job.

Good luck!