Dealing with Anti-Social Toddler Behavior

Toddlers are just learning how to function is a social world. During this social learning phase they are going to experiment with different things, they are going to make mistakes and they are going to hurt both themselves and others. The key is to be your toddler's Yoda. Guide them towards the correct behaviors and guide them away from disturbing behaviors like hitting, spitting, pulling hair and biting.

Tip #1 - Lead by Example

One of the best ways to teach your toddler how to be social is to lead by example. Take them with you when you plan on interacting in a variety of social settings including business, shopping, church/synagogue, school and recreation.

Tip #2 - Correct Problem Behaviors Immediately

Correct anti-social behaviors like biting, hitting and spitting immediately. You cannot show tolerance for these behaviors and you cannot ignore them. If they are left uncorrected they will turn into habits that will be much more damaging when the child is older.

Tip #3 - Define Boundaries Verbally

When you are correcting your toddler do not be vague about your expectations. For example, don't just say what the child is doing; tell them that the behavior is not acceptable. "You do not hit." You need to be very specific with your corrections.

Tip #4 - Be Consistent with Your Corrections

It is important to be consistent with your corrections. This means that each time the toddler hits, spits or slaps that they are corrected in the same way. You cannot be lenient or ignore an incident, as this will prolong the toddler's learning phase.

Tip #5 - Provide the Toddler with Alternatives

One mistake that parents can make when correcting inappropriate behaviors in their toddler is not teaching the toddler how they "should" respond in the situation. In order to learn positive social behaviors the toddler needs to be shown what they need to do, or what is an acceptable way to handle a situation.

Tip #6 - Figure Out the Root Cause of the Disturbing Behavior

If your toddler exhibits disturbing behavior all of a sudden, or if the behavior is consistently being displayed in certain situations, then there may be a problem. The child may have a fear that is triggering the outburst or they may have needs that are not being met.

Tip #7 - Reward Positive Behavior

A great way to encourage your toddler to focus on positive social behaviors as opposed to the disturbing ones is to reward them when they do something positive. This reward can be praise, a hug or a special treat. It is important when verbally reinforcing positive behavior that you be very specific. You need to say that you are proud of them for sharing the toy with their friend, for helping clean up a mess or for getting through the day without hitting.

Tip #8 - Teach Coping Skills

The sooner you toddler learns how to cope with stress in their environment the better off they will be. A good place to start is to teach your toddlers how to deal with stressful situations, such as a noisy room or a child who is being overly aggressive. These skills will help your toddler to feel more in control of their environment, which will help them to be less aggressive and destructive.

Tip #9 - Use Positive Media

While media can be one of the causes of aggression and anti-social behavior, it can also be used as a positive role model.

Tip #10 - Stay Calm

It is easy to get angry and aggressive yourself when your toddler is screaming, slapping, hitting, biting and being a little terror. However, you do not want to reciprocate these behaviors when you correct your toddler. This will only reinforce that they are appropriate ways to deal with social situations that are uncomfortable. Instead you need to stay calm and in control. Correct the behavior, explain why it is wrong and set boundaries for what is appropriate.

References

http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/preschoolaged/anger.html

http://www.babycenter.com/0_aggression-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it_65527.bc