Dealing with Baby's Separation Anxiety

You're getting ready to go out with your friends for the night. After getting dressed and finishing your makeup the babysitter arrives. You give her instructions for the night, gently kiss your baby, tell her goodnight, and try to hand her over to the babysitter. Just as you extend your arms she clenches her fists around the straps of your dress and starts screaming. The babysitter helps you to pry her hands off of you, and you head out of the door. You still hear her screams until you start up your car and she is drowned out by the sound of the radio.

Separation anxiety is a very common in babies. It usually appears around 8 months of age is believed to go hand-in-hand with crawling. It has been said that the further away a baby can crawl from you, the worse separation anxiety gets. Separation anxiety peaks at about 12-18 months and usually goes away by 24 months of age.

Babies experience separation anxiety because they do not have a sense of object permanency. When you leave the room they think that you have disappeared. Sometimes the simple act of putting your baby down so you can go to the bathroom or cook dinner causes an episode of tears. This is completely normal and will disappear as your baby becomes more independent and learns better coping skills. Until that happens you may feel like you are at your wits end. It can seem impossible to get things done with a screaming and clingy baby. To help ease the tension created by separation anxiety you can try some of these suggestions:

Practice brief separations from your baby

Tell your baby that you will be back and then leave the room for a few minutes. It is okay if she cries and throws a fit for a few minutes. When you re-enter the room be sure to greet her with lots of hugs and kisses and tell her that it is okay. Try this a few times a day. This process will help your baby to learn that while you may leave her sight, you will always come back.

Comfort you baby with just your voice

It is not always necessary to pick up your baby to comfort her. Sometimes just talking to her can give her some form of comfort. For example, if you are cooking dinner and she is protesting for your attention you can gently tell her that you will attend to her as soon as you are done. Though your baby may not like the idea of not having your attention immediately, she will learn that she can be comforted without being held.

When you must leave make your goodbyes brief

Simple say goodbye, give your baby a hug and a kiss, and leave. You don't want your baby to get emotional or to start to have a lot of fun playing with you only for you to get up and leave. Keeping your goodbyes brief will help her to not get overly emotional by your absence and she will be able to be calm herself down much quicker.

Give your baby a "lovey"

Introduce a special doll or toy that your baby can keep with her. The idea is that she will grow attached to the "lovey" and use it for comfort during times of separation from you. When selecting a "lovey" you might want to choose one that can be easily replaced if it is lost.

Days can seem long and tiring when dealing with a baby who is going through separation anxiety, but remember that this time will soon pass. Soon there will be a time when you will want your baby to sit and cuddle with you and that will be the last thing on her mind. So remember to find some joy in the other cute things she is doing at this stage of development.