Dealing with the Belligerent Parent: A Teacher's Guide to Proper Phone Etiquette

As a veteran teacher, I have experienced quite a few interesting parental personalities when discussing the behavior, abilities, and effort of their children. Understandably, parents are entitled to know how their son or daughter is doing in your class. However, some believe they have a right to know how they are doing every minute of every day, constantly e-mailing or calling and demanding to know whether Johnny or Mary so much as sneeze improperly. Most of these parents, particularly in a middle school setting, fail to realize that some of the burden of responsibility must be placed on the child's shoulders instead of on the already overburdened shoulders of a stressed teacher. When these parents call, one must know how to handle the situation accordingly. Through trial and error and several years of experience, there exists some fail-safe responses to the belligerent parent, lines and actions that will make both parties happy and also allow the teacher time to properly plan during their lesson plan periods.

1.) Keep the Conversation Short and Professional: Invite a Written Form of Communication Instead of a Constant Game of "Phone Tag"

At times, parents will start discussing every aspect of their personal life on a rather intimate level. This is usually information that is not necessary in regards to student performance and capability. Keep the emphasis and the focus on the child and make resolutions clear and concise. Most schools hand out a planner or a little book at the beginning of the year that students use to record daily assignments, homework, and extra credit opportunities. If the issue at hand involves poor performance on the students part, invite the parent a quick, efficient form of communication using this planner. Have "Johnny" or "Mary" fill out daily activities and sign it at the end of the class period. This places responsibility on the student and serves as a simple communication between teacher and parent. Also, it enables the parent to see what is taking place in your classroom on a daily basis...instead of calling every 24/7.

2.) Back off when Necessary: Allow a Parent to Vent their Frustrations

Every teacher in their profession, no matter if they are the best in their field or not, will come across a parent that wants to blow off steam. They will blame any undesirable situation on the teacher. As a teacher, this is not the time to "fight back" or self-justify your actions. Allow the parent some moments to vent and be prepared to have your feelings hurt. Afterwards, always use a line such as: "I understand your frustration Mr. X (or Mrs., of course) and we both want to work toward a solution that is right for your child. That is our common goal we share and our number one priority." Be sure to use a level, sympathetic tone, talk evenly and honestly, and invite the parent to provide a solution to the situation, whether it be grades-related or behavior. In most cases, even the angriest parent will come to his or her senses and see that both parent and teacher need to be on the same page.

3.) End the Conversation if Necessary: Discuss the Problem with Supportive Administration

Now this idea may not fly right with many people, but always expect a level of professionalism as an educator...and tolerate no less from the parent who is calling and wants to discuss their son or daughter. If a parent becomes nasty and begins cursing and yelling, never sink to their level. In an even tone, use the same line discussed above, adding, "I'm sorry, Mrs. X, that you feel the way you do, but I am going to have to discontinue the conversation at this time. It is quite hurtful for both parties to discuss the issue at hand in this manner. Please feel free to call back regarding your son (or daughter) when both of us can do so in a more professional way." Hang up. Afterwards, be sure to tell your Principal about the conversation and how it took a turn for the worse. Write notes on what was said. Keep in mind, never fight back. There always exists a chance that the angry parent will only get more frustrated if you start firing back. Remain the consummate professional. Chances are, after the parent has been allowed time to cool off, he or she will call back with an apology and the problem regarding their son or daughter can be discussed again on a more appropriate level.

Remember two things. Number one, most parents that you contact (or contact you) will be pleasant and work with you in discovering a workable solution regarding classroom achievement and antics. And Number Two: Despite a scant amount of time during the day to complete all of the "behind the scenes" work of an educator, it is one of your top priorities to make this parent contact, whether you know the parent to be pleasant or not. Keep phone conversations short, discreet, and professional. In this way, you, too, will be able to handle the roughest parents that demand instant answers and point blame at you.