Dealing with Bullies in the Day Care Setting

I have been a licensed child care provider for over 13 years. During my experience, I have completed numerous courses and workshops dealing with a variety of early childhood topics and problems.

Throughout the years, bullying has been one of the main issues I have had to deal with. In the past, a child under the age of 6 really didn't have the exposure to the bullying of other children. Now, with so many children in day care at an early age, they are exposed to bullies on a daily basis.

Many child care centers care for so many children, sometimes more than 20 to a room, that the bullying often goes unnoticed. Smaller, home-based day cares are more able to keep the problem under control.

It doesn't take a child long to realize that aggressive behavior will intimidate and frighten other children. He or she feels powerful over the milder, insecure children. Unfortunately, the tormented children can often develop poor self-esteem, and a fear of leaving home.

Bullying becomes a habit, and only gets progressively worse. The bully feels like a victim also because he or she has no friends, not realizing it is his or her behavior that is causing the ostrasizing. He or she feels the only way to be noticed is to continue the fear tactics both physically and verbally.

This is a difficult problem, especially at the pre-school age. Reasoning powers at this age are not fully developed, and most children act through emotional responses.

Most bullies can be recognized by their demeanor. Just walking through a group of children, the bully will usually push his or her way through with no regard for anyone in the way. The bully will take whatever he or she wants, whether someone else is playing with it or not.

Experts have found that punishing such an aggressive child usually makes things worse. In the child's mind, punishment reinforces the idea that aggressive, negative behavior is the right thing to do. Many bullies act the way they do from abusive behavior at home, following it as a way to deal with others.

There are a few methods a day care provider can use when trying to deal with bullying:

Ask for Help - Explain to the children that if they are afraid of a certain child, or someone is hurting them that it is okay to ask for help. Help them realize that asking for help is standing up for themselves.

Ask for Help if You See Bullying - Discuss that the day care is a safe place for everyone. All the children should look out for each other. If they see anyone being hurt, they should get help.

Put on a Play- This is a visual aid that is very helpful for young children. Children can volunteer to be either the victim or the bully. Give suggestions about ways to handle the situation like: ignoring the bully, asking the bully to stop, telling the bully you don't like it, talking bravely, and not using bullying behavior yourself. Let the children make it up as they go until the situation is resolved. Give helpful hints if the children meet a stumbling block.

Puppet Show - This is similar to role playing, but a little less personal for the quieter children. More of the children may volunteer to participate if they can pretend to be someone else.

These techniques are helpful to both the bully and the victim. They enable the children to find alternative methods to handle negative, aggressive behavior. The role playing gives the bully other methods of coping socially.

Above all, as a caregiver show that each child is important. Encourage each child with positive reinforcement and respect. A positive, caring environement is the first step in teaching all children positive behavior.