Dealing with Your Children's Friends You Don't Like

I am a mother of 4 children, ages 14 to 22 and have to say that over the years there have been many of my son and daughter's friends that I did not like and some that I down right disapproved of. We as parents often try to steer our children's lives rather than letting them come into it on their own accord. Most young teens find this type of behavior by parents down right intrusive and over barring.

When we are born we have the absolute right to our individuality and to be who we are, not who our parents want us to be. This as a parent is one of the hardest things to deal with because we want the very best for our children, including the very best friends. We are here as parents to guide our children to make the very best decisions possible, including picking their friends right? Wrong, that is not our decision who our children pick and choose to be friends with, it is solely their decision.

If your son or daughter has a friend that you disapprove of, sit your child down and try to find out what interests them about this person, what things do they have in common and why have they chosen to hang out with this person verses friends they used to hang out with that they no longer hang with. If you want to go the extra mile, invite said friend over and try to really get to know this person and I mean really try without discrimination; but always remember, even if this does not work for you and you still dislike this person.

Ultimately in the long run, know that it really is not your decision to be friends with this person, it is your child's right as a human being and individual to pick and choose their own friends without interference from us as parents. Unless, said friend is into such things like drugs, alcohol, shop lifting, cutting school and is trying to pressure your child into participating in these activities, then as parents we have a Duty to step in and defiantly lay out the ground rules of your house and inform your child what you expect from them and that behavior like that will not be tolerated. Also explain the ramifications and consequences that come with such behavior, especially if you notice a change in your child, say like your child was once a leader and is now following another, this needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

As parents we need to be paying attention to what is going on with our own children; the only way to know if you should step in is by monitoring your child. Stepping in should always be your last resort; but remember if you do, to stay calm and open when discussing such a sensitive issues with your child. Know that ultimately it is their choice to be friends with this person and in most situations if bad behavior is occurring that your child's own judgment will aid them in making good decisions and will make them see your point and understand your concerns. Remain open and talk, talk, talk to your child everyday and you will know what is going on in their life.

References for this article came from, parenting.com and justmommies.com