Dealing and Coping with a Wayward Sister

For as long as I can remember my sister, being seven years older than me,has always been the most rebellious out of all three of us.She never seemed to want to follow rules,not at home nor in society.I always kept in my mind how pretty she was and how she always seemed to have the "it" factor,she was a high school cheerleader,straight A student and number 3 in all state gymnastics. So,what went wrong?I would have to say that the peer pressure finally got to her as she gave in to it,she started smoking cigarettes at around 14 and smoking pot around 16 as well as drinking which would lead to her spiraling life.She would run away on a montly or sometimes weekly basis and my mom would always go out and find her and bring her back home again.We did not have a bad family home,we actually had a great home with lots of love,attention and understanding we were what others might call a "tight knit" family.We all made mistakes and my brother and I learned from them while my sister only continued to make them.The drinking,drugs and lies would become so much of her life that she knew no other way.

Dropping out of high school her senior year she got married at 18 and moved to Maine.We all thought this was a new fresh start for her.She wrote letters back home apologizing for the things that she had done,of course being family we forgave her and she called as often as she could.Sadly,little did we know she was still smoking pot and drinking which finally lead to her first divorce and the meeting of her soon to be second husband who introduced her to cocaine.At 21 she came back home now married again and with a 6 month old baby.I was 14 at the time and by now had already seen years of the turmoil and pain that she had put my family through and it was hard to accept what she was doing.When my friends would ask about my sister I never really knew what to say.

Only staying a few months my parents had seen enough of the mental abuse that her husband was putting her through and asked him to leave but asked her to stay offering to help take care of her and the baby,she denied her family and left with him and the baby moving to Massachusetts.She remained in the drug ruled,physically and mentally abused life she had chosen with him for 5 years,finally we guessed she had enough.A late night phone call shortly after my high school graduation lead to tears,painful confessions by her and a plea for my parents to bring her and her now four children home and of course my parents did.I was 17 now and when those kids stepped off that bus I fell in love with them,I spoiled them even going as far as spending two of paychecks on them for clothes and toys and took them everywhere I could with me.We thought we finally had a break and my sister was getting her life back on track.

She enrolled in classes to get her GED and even enrolled in college courses and was working.Running into a former teacher from high school my sister hit it off with him and the heartstrings flew.She gave birth to her 5th child then got married to him,her now 3rd husband.He treated her like a princess,he spoiled her kids as well as the one that they had together,he bought her a big 5 bedroom home,he gave her money,security and he adored her but sadly,the drugs and alcohol reared their ugly heads once again and took it's hard core toll on her as she gave in.By now we all had been through this and knew what to expect but her adoring husband had no idea.Her lies and betrayal that came along with the drug and alcohol abuse became to much and she had an affair leading to her 6th pregnancy and 3rd divorce,followed by her 7th child and 4th marriage.Here she was dragging these poor,innocent children along who really would never know what it was like to have a stable family.After all what was being instilled in their heads and how would it effect them and how would they handle the rest of their lives and would they choose the path that their mother has laid out for them?

During these years I myself had my first child,got married and had my second child all with the same man so, the word "alike" is no way to compare my sister and I.Sure I have the occasional drink but I never got involved in the drugs,the lying or the cheating and I never ran away from home or let any man lay a harmful hand on me . It would seem impossible but,I still loved her because after all she was my sister but I knew that if she didn't help herself she could never have a decent life again.Her downfall and her crutch was the drugs and alcohol that ruled her ,she lied so much and so often through the years to the people that mattered and who would always be there for her it seemed harder and harder each time to forgive her.My parents blamed themselves for years for her behavior thinking that maybe they could have done something different to help her but I told them " there was nothing they could have done it was all her decision,my brother and I turned out fine and we were all raised the same".After years my parents actually started seeing that they finally let her go,we all had to.You can not help someone who doesn't want the help.

Now, she is 42 years old and still the same.Sadly, I know that one day I will hear that she has passed perhaps from a drug overdose or even because a man that she has chose to be in her life has beaten her.I gave into the fact that I don't need any of that around me or my children,because unlike her I put my family first.She has missed out on seeing my boys grow up, as well my brothers girls and that is something you can never get back. I'll always care for her and have her in my heart and I pray that someday before it is to late she gets her life in order.This is just one of the many cases nationwide that the adolescent years of peer pressure take over and keep taking over.Try not to let it happen to you and if by chance it does and it can not be helped,don't blame yourselves,live your life the best you can and only hope for the best for those that you love,you can not change the past only live for the future.