Dealing with Death

Death can be a difficult thing to deal with and different people handle death in different ways and are in different stages when it comes to coping with death. The 7 stages of coping with death are: denial, isolation, anger, blame, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Denial is refusing to believe the facts by blocking out reality because it is too painful to deal with. Isolation is feeling set apart from others and feeling completely alone. Anger is where you feel enraged by the thought of death and you tend to take it out on other people. Blame is the next stage; blame and anger are somewhat alike, however (in this stage) you blame other people for the death of your loved one. You may also blame yourself. Bargaining is where you make deal with God that you will get rid of your bad habits in order to get your loved one back. Depression is the 6^th stage and is often the longest out of all the stages; people realize that they can't bargain with God and they start to feel sad. They may also feel guilty (saying "this is all my fault...if I had done this, then they would still be here") or stressed out due to funeral arrangements and expenses. In this stage, they tend to turn away from others because they're still mourning the loss of their loved one. Acceptance is the final stage where you accept the death and come to terms with the loss of your loved one.

Even though people feel that they can't go on in life without their loved one, they can and here are some ways to "live through the loss". Spend time with younger members of the family; this can help both of you heal. When the death is due to an illness, knowledge of the illness and understanding it can reduce fear and help with acceptance. Follow normal routines as much as possible to maintain some stability in the face of change. Communicating with others and sharing your feelings can help you get through the change. The best thing you can do is try not to resist change because you'll face problems later on in life if you don't accept the change. You'll find that, once you accept change, difficult situations and changes will be easier to adjust to.

Death is a scary topic to talk about, especially in the eyes of children. Here's how children view death. Children under the age of 3 view death as a separation or absence (as if the deceased has merely gone on a trip and will be back shortly). Between ages 3 and 5, they don't think death is permanent; they think it's like a sleep (you're dead, then you wake up and are alive again). Children who are ages 5-9 accept the fact that someone is dead and will not come back. However, they don't see death as something that happens to everyone. At ages 9-10, kids realize that everyone dies and start to worry about their parents and the kids repeatedly nag the parents for reassurance that they will live for a long time. At ages 10-12, kids come to terms with their fears and worries. They may need help from their parents to put death in its proper perspective. In order to help kids deal with death: tell the truth about what happened to their loved one. Don't tell them "grandpa went on a trip" because it will give them false hope that "grandpa" (or whomever) will come back. (Not to mention, they'll be nagging you about it; asking, "When is grandpa coming back?")

Some people feel that they need to grieve over the death of a loved one alone. The truth is they don't because there are places where you can get help. Some schools offer crisis counseling for students. Finding and going to support groups (both on the web and in a location near you) can also help. Psychiatrists and psychologist are trained to help people deal with difficult changes, such as death. Also, if an elderly member of the family knows that they are terminally ill and are going to die, hospice programs can help. Hospice programs provide support and care for people who are terminally ill and are facing death.

In conclusion, people need to understand that death is a part of the life cycle and they don't need to be scared of death and there are place to go in order to help you deal with death.