Dealing with a Deployed Spouse

Being a Military Wife can be both challenging and rewarding. Excellent healthcare benefits, good pay, housing allowance, tax-free groceries and other items, etc But the hardest part comes, when you have to say goodbye to your spouse for an extended period of time. The worst part is, you don't know if they're coming back. Long, sleepless nights, wondering if your loved one is okay, if they've got enough to eat or drink, if they're safe, etc

On top of all your worries about your spouse comes the added stress of dealing with the home and children alone. Being both Mommy and Daddy, answering the children's questions about where Daddy is, what Daddy's doing, when's he coming back, etc Taking care of the finances alone, making sure the house and vehicle stay in good repair, sleeping alone every night This can wreak havoc on a marriage no matter how strong it is! Communication is KEY to making ANY marriage work, but especially so in the case of military members and their spouses. My husband and I will be going through our first deployment soon We're both scared and worried. We know it will be difficult, at best. I worry he may not come home, he worries he may not come home, I worry that he'll get hurt, he worries that I'll find it too hard to wait for him, and he's afraid I'll meet someone and leave him. Deployment is hard enough on couples and families without this kind of worry, we're working to overcome these issues before he leaves in October.

Deployments can be very difficult, many of our friends have gone through this already, and I am listening to their experiences and advice But ultimately, I know I have to stay strong for my husband and children. I know I can't show my fear that he won't come home, I can't show my worry over the stress of him being gone There's no good reason to stress him out over my worries and concerns, when he's going to be putting his LIFE on the line. He needs all his concentration to be on his mission and whatever they will be dealing with "over there" He doesn't need to worry about how I will handle things.

My best advice is to make each day count that you're together Make sure that the lines of communication are open Don't lay all your worries and stresses on your husband's shoulders while he's away or before he leaves. They do have access to email and occasionally phones while over there, make sure you have a way to communicate with your husband, even if it's letters. But, don't worry him with problems at home while he's away There's nothing he can do from that far away, and, it makes him less able to do his job effectively if he's worrying about home and what's going on here.

While my husband is gone, I plan on going to school part-time, and maybe working part-time, not because we need the money, but to help keep myself busy. So that I'm not sitting around worrying. Make sure you have a strong support system, whether it be family or friends, or other military wives. Volunteer somewhere if you can, take classes or find a new hobby or two. Staying busy will keep your mind off some of the worries and stresses.

Make sure to stay away from situations where you'd be tempted by another man, you and your husband don't need the added problem of an infidelity. It's difficult being alone and being Mommy and Daddy by yourself, but if, God forbid, something happened to your husband and he didn't return, the guilt of having cheated, would be unimaginable. Don't have male friends or allow his civilian friends to be around while he's gone, even if nothing happens, why tempt yourself? It's extremely difficult to stay faithful to your husband, despite your best intentions, if you are lonely, stressed out, and putting yourself into situations where you are possibly going to cheat. The outcome wouldn't be good for anyone involved. It's just not worth it.

Live one day at a time, until your husband returns, and keep faith he'll come home safe. It's the only thing to do in this situation. We've got a difficult job ahead of us. But our husbands are worth every moment! That's why we married them.
Stay strong, use whatever support system you've got, make sure you stay busy, and try not to stress or worry!