Dealing with Deployment: Family, Soldier Perspectives

Many families across the United States experience the upheavals commonly associated with a loved one receiving military deployment orders. Often the destination is an active war zone such as we see currently in Iraq and Afghanistan. A mix of simple tips, and hopefully helpful hints, to assist military families in dealing with deployment. At the very least, a small comfort in the knowledge that they are not alone in the struggle to keep the home fires burning.

The Spouse

While in Iraq or any active war zone a soldier has responsibilities and duties to perform. Likewise, spouses at home have commitments they need to meet. The spouse must daily balance their home, children, and work schedule. At the end of the day many climb exhausted into a bed that can often seem much larger than it used to be. Whether communicating by phone, letter, or internet across the miles between them, the spouse may cheerfully relay that the kids are great, work is going good, and of course they are holding up well. Even if it has been a day worthy of entry into the official record book of frustration.

For spouses at home it can often be very hard to resist sharing all of the daily dilemmas with their soldier deployed in a war zone. Uplifting and happy events are always welcome news, but some things are best left unsaid if it would be a source of serious concern and worry. Discretion is the better part of valor after all. Military spouses should always remember, a soldiers who has his mind on the mission at hand is safer than a soldier worried about what is going on at home.

The children

Deployment can of course be a difficult time for children. It is important for them that the household carries on with a sense of normalcy, and cheerfulness. Assigning chores for them, that would normally be done by the deployed parent, if they were home, can give your child a sense of connection across the miles. It helps if you establish these routines before deployment occurs.

Plants and pets can be great bonding agents, and caring for either of these can be handled by children of all ages. Whether younger children feeding the family dog, or older children maintaining the yard, or a garden plot, whatever task fits your lifestyle, involve them and encourage them in keeping the home fires burning. Thank them, and let them know how proud you are that they're helping.

Another issue children of a deployed parent may face is public opinion. There are some who protest the war, and in their ignorance directly blame the soldiers. If your child is old enough to be affected, or is exposed to an incident it can be quite upsetting for them. Explain calmly to your children, whether Army, Navy, Air Force or Marine Corp. that they should be proud of their parent. A good soldier follows orders, and some confused and / or ignorant people just do not understand that. If they are unhappy with decisions made by the Government those people should use legal means available to them to convey their opinions to the Government. Soldiers do not make the decision to go to war.

The Soldier

Deployment for the soldier is a time of being very busy and making important preparations. Nobody knows better than you what this entails. Be sure to throw in a supply of pre addressed and stamped envelopes. Although many make use of the internet and cell phones to stay in touch, sometimes these electronic luxuries can fail. Different time zones and busy schedules can mean a lot of frustrating missed phone calls. Besides, holding a letter, written and handled by your loved one, so far away, can leave a lasting good feeling that will go through the day with you. It can also be waiting for you when you come back in across the wire.

This practice is also beneficial for your children. Often it can be very exciting to have that live webcam, or phone conversation, but it can be a real downer when the call ends. It is nice for both of you to have that comforting pile of letters and pictures for those quiet moments. Encourage your children to write to you once a week. Promise to write back as often as you can, but be sure to explain why letters may not arrive at home as regularly.

Military families have been faithfully keeping the home fires burning generation after generation.