Dealing with the Diagnosis of Alzheimers

It could be you, a parent, a spouse or another loved one that seems to slowly be slipping into a world that is fuzzy and unclear. After many tests and doctor visits, it is time to face the inevitable and although it may not make anything better, the knowledge will allow you to make some very important decisions before it is too late.

My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago. It was the worse day of my life and for him and my mom, it was complete devastation. It took a few days, but when we all finally resurfaced, we knew there were some things that needed to be done to ensure that my dad was always cared for and that our close knit family did not come undone in what was sure to be some very difficult years ahead.

Fortunately, my mother and father had already secured Power of Attorney for each other should one of them become incapacitated. This is the first and most important step once the medical issues have been addressed. However, Power of Attorney is not everything and sitting down with an attorney should be at the top of your list. Each state is different and trying to wade through it by yourself can be frustrating and overwhelming at a time when you have so much else to focus on.

Once the legal pieces are in place your family needs to begin thinking about care-giving resources. For each person with this terrible disease, the progression is different and quite unpredictable. Your loved one can go from independent to needing 24 hour care without everyone being prepared. Sit down as a family and ask the difficult questions. Discuss work schedules, family obligations, ability to be a caregiver, and financial resources. Knowing these things ahead will allow you to have a peace of mind and keep the family members from becoming frustrated with each other and not understanding why others are not doing their part.

Be willing to ask for help during the coming months and years. We found that telling community members, extended family, and local agencies about our situation allowed others to assist us without having to sacrifice dad's dignity. My father was very young when he was diagnosed and my mother still needed to work full time, so every little bit helped. Whether it was the local "Meals on Wheels" program, volunteer respite, or simply a kind phone call or hug, none of it was unappreciated. It may be tempting to keep things a secret, but you will be so glad that you didn't and a whole new world of support will open up for you.

The most important thing you and your family can do during this time is continue to spend time together. You may have to change some aspects of your activities and sometimes, you may have to slow down, but don't stop enjoying activities and people that are important to you. My father loved to eat out with the family and we continued to go out for as long as we could with him. In order to alleviate his anxiety and to keep those unaware from being offended by something he might say, we would let people know in his favorite restaurants and we would help him pick his meal before getting to the restaurant. These small things allowed everyone to relax and enjoy their time together.

So, your loved one has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and you are sad, angry, and scared, but don't give up. Follow some of these simple guidelines and your family is sure to get through this without losing each other.