Dealing with Your Difficult Adult Daughter

I never thought when my daughter reached her 30's that our relationship would turn for the worse. We were always close and not only in a relationship as mother and daughter, but in age. I had my son when I was 18 and my daughter one week before I turned 20. All our lives, people thought we were sisters. Just recently, someone else said that to us. Not only being a parent to my daughter, but I wanted a loving "come to me I am there for you" relationship. I am proud of her as the adult woman and mother she has become. She is a can do person, and a generous soul who always wants to help the underdog. Or the ones less fortunate. She loves the elderly more than any other age group. She loves to hear their stories and learn from them.

Then all hell can break lose. Things started changing. Her attitude, her loving ways and the two of us going to lunch once a week stopped. I hear she is talking ugly behind my back. Then there came the confrontations, the hurt words, and then throwing my grandchildren into it, who I love with all my heart and soul.
Then come to find out, she is doing this to others. Other family members, friends, and so on. Hurting everyone in her path.

I ask myself, is she going through early menopause? Is she bi polar? Is she depressed? What can I do to help her? I want to be there for her. I love my daughter with all my heart and soul. She is my life, as all my children are. When I say children, I mean my grandchildren as well.

Thirty six and acting like she has never acted before. She doesn't drink, do drugs which I know for sure. She never did do that..oh yes, she told me she tried pot as a teen but never liked it. She was sick from it. But this is deeper. She was raised with Christian heritage. I can only pray and ask God to help her with what she is going through.

I am not alone on this. Many of my friends say their daughters have done this and acted like this and some of their daughters still do. I know my mother in law went through this with her daughter all her life.

My friends tell me to step back. So I am going to step back, so I am not in the way of her hurt. I can't let her get ugly and hurt me. I certainly do not want to hurt and get ugly with my daughter. Maybe "tough love" ? I don't know, but I need to be gentle and easy and pray and step back and let her be. All I can do is take it from there and see what happens next. But I will not, let her disrespect me. I am not allowing that. So to move forward, I have to step back first.