Dealing with Disappointment

We all of us face disappointments in our lives. Disappointments can "run deep" emotionally, and really hurt. How we face disappointments and deal with them is an important part of maintaining our mental and psychological health.

There are many types of disappointments with which we are confronted -- disappointments in relationships (personal), disappointments related to our career or vocation (job loss, or loss of livelihood, for example), and many others as well. According to UCLA psychologist James C. Colman, prolonged disappointment can lead to chronic stress, to depression, or even despair. (Wright, 2005)

Disappointment describes our feelings of dissatisfaction or even anguish. We expect one thing, and then circumstances create a different reality from what we anticipated. Sometimes, we set ourselves up for disappointment when our expectations are not in sync with the reality of our present circumstances. There are times and situations when we must be willing to re-evaluate how we perceive our current situation and the challenges we are facing. Are your expectations of yourself and others fair and reasonable, or are they "out-of-kilter" with reality?

Learning from our disappointments

First of all, allow yourself the time to feel the hurt of experienced disappointments and rejections. Don't be afraid to get in touch with that feeling in your gut, however painful it might be. This is part of the process of becoming emotionally stronger. Sometimes, it just takes time to get over our disappointments. With time, you are better able to get perspective on what may have happened to you.

Hardships can be disguised as "life lessons". Use your experience as a means of building your emotional strength and resilience. If, for example, you have experienced a set back in your career or vocation, use the experience to develop new job skills, and hone those you have so you are better prepared and confident when confronted with difficult situations in the working world. If you have experienced rejection as a writer, for example, or have not gotten a job after whay you felt was a good interview, then what are the constructive lessons you can take away from the experience?

Determination, patience, and resolve are qualities we can develop through our difficult experiences. As you develop new skills, you gain confidence in yourself and your abilities, and this, in turn, will help you deal with disappointments related to your employment and vocation. Determine to become better prepared, better trained at your chosen profession.

If you have experienced emotional or relationship disappointment, don't allow what you have been confronted with to cause you to withdraw into a shell. Our hurts teach us compassion, and afford us the opportunity to have empathy for others, to develop a better understanding of those whose path in life crosses our own.

Use the support of good and trusted friends. Talk your situation through with someone you trust, and who has your best interest and welfare at heart. Don't "seal" yourself off from your circle of support. Keep the lines of communication open with those who care about you, and who do not have a hidden agenda.

Don't be afraid, in fact, you must be willing, to get disappointed again in life. There is a wonderful and well-known quote by Thomas Edison, which can be very helpful to keep in mind the next time you are confronted with failure and disappointment. Reflecting on the seemingly impossible task he had set for himself of generating electricity in order to create a source of light, Edison said of his numerous unsuccessful attempts, "I have not failed; I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work." Be persistent.

Disappointment and failures in our life serve to build character and develop patience. Through learning to deal with our problems, we develop endurance, much the way an athlete builds endurance by graduated training and placing increased demands on the physical body. Endurance develops character. According to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., we must be willing to accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. (Galliozzi, 2009)

We need to learn to accept the feelings created when we are discouraged, "own" our disappointments, not denying them, but then, move on. Hope comes after disappointments, and our anticipation of a more rewarding future that lies ahead of us increases. Take the long view when it comes to dealing with disappointment.

Other ways of coping with disappointments

Avoid negative "discouragers". This does not mean avoiding constructive criticism, but moving away from those who take special pleasure in the hardships and disappointments you are experiencing.

One often overlooked but very helpful way of coping with disappointment and difficult periods in life is to take care of yourself physically. Never underestimate the real therapeutic value of a good walk. Walking helps to clear the mind of a lot of emotional and psychological "rubble". Try to get enough sleep. (This is not always easy to do!)

Choosing how we react to disappointment

Successfully dealing with disappointment has to do with our ability to exercise mental discipline and self-control. An invaluable technique in dealing with disappointment is to learn to control how we react to our disappointment. We may not be able to avoid that which is the cause of our discomfort/disappointment, but we can control how we react to the situation.

Successfully dealing with disappointments

We will all of us experience pain, sadness, uncertainty and anxiety in life. The key is to learn to view disappointments as challenges. Be willing to engage in the "battles" of life with which you are confronted. Don't run and hide. Learn from life's obstacles and difficult times. Learn to play the cards you are dealt. Adopt an adventurous spirit and you will be all the better for it.

Sources:

Viscott, David. 1996. Emotional Resilience. New York: Harmony Books.

Chandler, Steve. 2004. 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself. Richmond: Maurice-Basset

Gallozzi, Chuck. 2009. Dealing with Disappointment. www.personal-development.com/chuck/disappointment.htm (accessed July, 2009)

Wright, Rusty. 2005. Dealing with Disappointment. www.cbn.com/spirituallife/biblestudyandtheology/discipleship/wright_disappointment.aspx (accessed July, 2009)

Ashworth, Michael, Ph.D. 2007. Dealing with Disappointment. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/dealing-with-disappointment/ (accessed July, 2009)