Dealing with Divorce - Life Doesn't Have to End with Your Marriage

The three most stressful things anyone will ever encounter in life are: 1) The death of a loved one; 2) The loss of a job; and 3) Divorce. Before considering divorce, one should consider going to a competent marriage counselor to work out whatever issues have arisen between the spouses. A lack of proper communication is the largest factor associated with the end of 'No-Fault' marriages. Many times, improving communication between partners can help to reconcile a marriage before it ends, and attending regular sessions with your spouse can do wonders for your relationship.

And, sometimes that is not enough. The three most common causes for a marriage to end are: 1) Abuse of one spouse by the other; 2) Cheating by one or both partners; and 3) A lack, or loss of, intimacy. While the latter may be resolved through counseling, the former may well be irreconcilable due to the rift that develops between partners.

The major factors one has to deal with when faced with divorce are division of properties and assets, the custody of children and associated child support, the psychological and emotional impacts, and the costs and expenses involved in divorce. It is always best to try to settle out of court and come to an agreement between partners rather than resorting to litigation, which will consume the time, money, and energy of all concerned.

If the divorce is amicable, one can conserve costs and work out the details between spouses without the need for an attorney. However, it is always wise to retain legal advice when there is any doubt as to the nature of the split. Going to an attorney for an initial consultation with both partners may add peace of mind and help them gain perspective, if nothing else, and help them decide whether or not they need or want legal advice. Be aware that the minimum retainer for a divorce attorney typically starts around $1500 and goes up quickly from there.

Know that you are not alone. There are many support groups out there, such as at the divorcesupport.com forums, for those in all stages of divorce. Just realizing that there are others out there like you, and that a large community is ready and willing to give support, can help divorcees who are going through even the toughest of times. Remember, it's okay to ask for help -- reaching out to others is a sign of strength, not weakness. Rather than seek to retaliate or get revenge on your former spouse, the best policy is to look towards the future and move on as soon as possible. Doing so puts you in the right frame of mind for generating a more positive attitude and transition into the next stage of your life.

Making sacrifices is a part of any marriage. Once you are single again and back 'in the market, you may find yourself in a position of new freedom and optimism. You may no longer have to sublimate your needs and desires with those of your (former) spouse. Do some travel, start a new business venture, or learn that hobby you've always wanted to pick up, but never found the time to do before. Having varied interests that you find fulfilling can help to get you back on track more quickly.

Your best chances of success for making it through the process of divorce is to have a strategy, become educated, find and join good support communities, and seek expert advice when needed. This will help you to generate hope for the future and see a light at the end of what might seem like a dark tunnel. Your new future is bright indeed; make sure you take the right steps along the way towards reaching it with the least amount of anger, fear, and frustration. The first step is always the hardest - after that, it gets easier. Just take one step at a time, make time for yourself when needed, reach out for and receive support from family and friends, and soon your divorce will be a thing of the past.