Dealing with the Emotions as a COPD Patient

Feelings of despair can keep people from doing the very things that can help them manage their symptoms and feel better. And positive feelings can have a cleansing, heart-lifting quality.

Hopeful, Calm, Accepting

Hope is an energizing, sustaining feeling. There are ways to cultivate and support feelings of hope.

• Ask yourself, "What helps me feel hopeful or has helped me feel hopeful in the past?" Then, figure out how to fit more of those people, things, and activities into your life.

• Read inspirational books, such as the classic, Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient by Norman Cousins.

• Let go of an unrealistic hope that your illness will go away and embrace hope for other goals that will make each day easier to live.

Calm

When you deal with your illness calmly, you can focus on setting priorities on how to spend your time and how to use your energy well. People with COPD have more energy and breathe more easily when they aren't feeling frantic or frustrated. Your sense of calm may leave you every once in a while. Everyone's does. But taking time for yourself each day will help you regain your calm.

• To help calm yourself, try listening to a relaxation tape. Use it regularly to achieve greater calm in your everyday life.

• Pay attention to what causes the most stress for you. Consider whether you can make choices to avoid those situations or keep them to a minimum.

• Practice pursed lip breathing and belly breathing regularly, so that you have them at your disposal to help calm yourself down if you get out of breath.

Accepting

Learning to accept that you have a disease that cannot be reversed can be difficult. The more realistic and accepting you can be, the more likely it is that you'll be able to take steps to maintain your health now. You'll also be better equipped to make plans for your future, even a future that includes more advanced COPD.

• Spend time with people who share your accepting, but realistic, outlook on life. You can encourage and reinforce each other.

• Talk to other people with COPD about how they handle the chronic nature of their condition.

• If you haven't done so already, think through the kind of care that you would like to receive if your condition worsens. Prepare in advance for the legal and medical issues you may face. Also, talk with your family members and an attorney about setting up a will, living will and powers of attorney for your health care and your finances. If you already have these documents, take a fresh look at them and make sure they still meet your needs.

Anxiety, Guilty, Angry

Anxious

Anxiety is common among people with COPD. Some of this is a normal reaction to breathlessness and some of it is more emotional.

If you're anxious...

• Make a list of your top worries, the things that tend to keep you awake at night. Evaluate how realistic these worries are and what you might be able to do about them.

• Talk to a friend, a counselor or another person with COPD. Or join a support group, an online chat room, or an email list. It helps to know that others have had your worries and have dealt with them.

• Consider getting a relaxation tape or treating yourself to a massage.

• If your anxiety lasts for more than several weeks or is disrupting your life, talk to your doctor about whether anti-anxiety medications might help you.

Guilty

Many people with COPD feel guilty, especially if a behavior like smoking has contributed to their illness. They may also feel guilt about the burden their illness has imposed on their loved ones.

Perhaps you are being too hard on yourself. Whatever the cause of your guilt, you are doing the best that you can, and some self-nurturing may be in order. Sometimes guilt can even be useful-for nudging you to do something you really should be doing. Dealing with your guilt can be an important step toward greater emotional health and lightness of spirit.

If you still smoke...

• Don't let the guilt about your smoking stop you. Let it motivate you. Consider making a quit plan now.

If you have quit smoking...

• Congratulate yourself on overcoming a fierce addiction and let your guilt about smoking go. Celebrate your success by treating yourself to a nice dinner, a massage, or tickets to a local event.

If you never smoked...

• You are among some 15 percent of people with COPD who never smoked. Try not to take other people's preconceptions personally.

Angry

It's natural to feel angry when faced with an illness that takes away some of your capacity to live, work and play as you once did. It doesn't seem right or fair-and it's not. Many people have trouble owning and expressing their anger. Your anger may not seem "logical." You may find yourself snapping at loved ones or berating yourself, because of the difficulties you're facing. These may not feel like anger on the surface, but down deep they may be fueled by anger at yourself or your situation.

• Notice your feelings, name them, and work to accept them. Ask yourself whether you might be hiding your anger behind other emotions.

• Write down your uncensored feelings to gain perspective and feel release. You can buy yourself a journal or use plain note paper. Or try writing a letter that you never send.

• If your angry feelings persist and are getting in your way... Find a counselor or join a support group. You'll feel reassured that you are not alone.

Discouraged, Exhausted, Sad

Discouraged

Living with an unpredictable illness like COPD is full of ups and downs that are hard to weather. It is normal to get discouraged when your body doesn't work the way it used to and you're not able to do all the things you once did. But making a few changes in the way you do things can help you feel better and do more. By learning to take action and focus on the things you can do, you can bounce back from discouraging times. Feeling discouraged? Try one of these:

• Learn pursed lip breathing to help with breathlessness.

• Start an exercise routine, so that your lungs will function as well as possible.

• Learn to ask for extra help now and then.

• Spend time with cheerful loved ones. And avoid people who only support your discouragement.

• Treat yourself to something fun... and distracting.

Exhausted

Feelings of exhaustion are common for people living with COPD. Part of this feeling is physical: Much of your body's energy goes into the act of breathing, so there's less energy left over to put toward the rest of your life. Another part of the feeling may also be emotional: Feeling depressed or hopeless can sap your energy, too.

If you feel exhausted...

• Listen to your body and learn to manage your energy. Pace yourself, so that you're less likely to get worn out from your daily activities.

• Consider the suggestions in the Conserving Energy section on saving your energy for the things you want to do.

• Ask yourself, am I also feeling depressed or hopeless? If so, get help from a counselor or clergy member.

Sad

Sadness strikes everybody now and then. Having a serious illness can be sad. It's easy to focus on the things you may not be able to have or the notion that you may suffer or even die from this illness. Sadness is normal. Unfortunately, many of us have learned to hide our tears and sadness from each other.

Acknowledging the source of your sadness and sharing it can take away the sting, so you can let it go more easily.

• Give yourself permission to have a good cry when you're sad. You'll feel better after letting go of those feelings.

• Join a support group or talk to a counselor. You'll discover that there are resources within you and around you to help you cope and grieve.