Dealing with the Emotions of Miscarriage

The day is dark. It began as any other day: the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the sun rose as it did every day. The difference about this day happened as suddenly and un-expectantly as a tornado rushing across the Kansas land. A dark cloud followed.

If you've had a miscarriage, you know the pain and feelings associated as the first questions start going through our head. We don't want to be honest with ourselves that this could be happening, but those questions seem to keep lurking in the back of our minds. Could we be having a miscarriage? No, this is not happening. Surely, it isn't? No. I won't accept it. My baby is alive and well.

Sigh. But, the reality is that a miscarriage is happening. Our mind is in disbelief. Our heart is crushed. Our emotions are frozen in place, unable to feel the tidal wave of emotions bulldozing through us. We move through the seconds, minutes, and hours as we hear the words from our OB-GYN as he confirms that we did, in fact, have a miscarriage. Now, we are past the initial shock, and now only grief is left. This grief seems to overtake our emotions, our thoughts, and our mere ability to move.

If you've had a miscarriage, you know just how dark this day is/was. There seems to be no relieving the pressure we feel as we realize a little baby will never be. That little one, who's name was already pre-determined, is gone.

Dealing with the Emotions of Miscarriage

Breathe

It seems to simple afterward to remember to breathe. But in the middle of a miscarriage, this can be hard to do. When you don't have anything left, just take deep breathes. Take the time to just sit in front of nature and remember that you can/will get pregnant again. If you must, start planning. Do what you need to do to survive the initial days after the miscarriage. Sometimes, it is doing nothing at all. Just staring into space, breathing deeply, and just being. If that is the case, it is ok. It's just ok.

Avoid Family/Friends

The truth is that sometimes, the only person you need is your spouse. This maybe all you need after a miscarriage. Find who can help you through this dark time and let others make the phone calls and rehashing what happened. There is nothing worse than having to make a ton of calls saying the same thing.

Let someone else make the calls and just rest. Your body is going through a tidal wave of emotions even though the miscarriage may have already happened. This is one time in your life where you can just let others do for you. Whether you need to just hide away in your bedroom or slip into your bathroom and take an hour long bath. Be ready to just take care of yourself, your emotions, and your body.

Belief

It can be very easy to think that you are responsible for the miscarriage. It was your body that was carrying the little one. There was never a thought that you could have a miscarriage. A young mother is so full of energy when she discovers that she is pregnant, that the realities of miscarriage can be very traumatic. This is the best time to just take deep breaths. Continue taking deep breaths, whenever you feel the world falling apart -- to be honest, the need for deep breaths may come often -- as you cope with the loss of child.

Grieve

The loss of a child is real. Miscarriage is real. In the same light, grief is real. In the moths following a miscarriage, women will go through a grieving process that only time can heal. It does heal. Do you always remember that little one, yes -- of course we do. Yet, the pain begins to subside, little by little.

There can't be a predicted time of how long it will take to grief. The reality is that for every woman it will be different. Each woman has to learn how to cope with the grief in their own way. Whether you take six weeks or six months, if that is what it takes for your to grieve, so be it.

Rebound

One of the best ways to work through the grief is rebounding in life, your emotions, and your body. One way to get yourself back into the routines of life is to force yourself to rebound. Get back in to the swing of things quickly. After you've been cleared by the doctor, start trying to get pregnant right away. Don't let one miscarriage stop you from trying to get pregnant. Miscarriage is difficult, but you can work through it and still be successful in getting pregnant. Time really does heal all wounds.