Dealing with Empty Nest Syndrome

I am a 44 year old mother. I have only one child and he's just moved off to college. He's been gone a month now and to say the last month has been rough would be a terrific understatement. The loss and emptiness and fear I've felt since my son left led me to search for help anyway I could find it.

Most articles I've read on the subject of Empty Nest Syndrome must have been written by either people with no children themselves or people that just don't have the close type of relationship with their child that would make them feel the severe symptoms of the syndrome.

Parents searching for help in overcoming the intense feelings they experience at this time will find little comfort when reading most articles on the subject. Typical jargon will include making parents feel over protective, unrealistic in expectations of keeping close with their own children, and some will even burden you with the thought that you might be holding your child back or stunting their emotional growth and often just for calling to hear your own child's voice.

Personally I disagree with most everything I've read. I not only love my child, I find him fun and interesting and a delight in every way. I've enjoyed every minute of every day and felt completely blessed just to have him in my life.
I think it's perfectly normal to miss your child after they move away. In fact, it would seem far less normal not to want to hear their voices or know what new things they're discovering and even that they're just safe at night.

Many advice articles will tell you that you should limit your calling to two times a week. Some will even suggest just once a week at a designated time. You'll be told that anymore than this is suffocating your own child.

I'm writing this article to say that is absolute baloney! The child you raised every day and night is your child and no one else has the right to tell you how many times a day or week you should talk to them. Every child and every family is different. My most sincere advice is that you follow your own heart. If your heart aches to hear your child's voice, by all means call! Tell them that you love and miss them. Tell them how proud of them you are! Tell them they're welcome home anytime and there will always be a place for them. Tell them anything you want to.

Your child has been dealing with you since the day he or she was born. You don't need to change at all. Be the mom or dad you've always been. Children have and always will do well with consistent parents. Don't look to written articles to relieve your pain and sadness and loneliness. Strangers aren't the answer.

No one and nothing will ever replace your child sleeping safely in their own bed in your home. The best you can do is to constantly remind them and yourself that you're still always there for them. Your love hasn't changed and never will. You'll always be mom or dad and they'll always be your baby, even when they're 80.

Be kind to yourself. You're going through a really rough trial right now. Don't be ashamed about your feelings and don't be afraid to reach out to your own parents or friends. Do however avoid people that would tell you that everything you're doing is wrong. Baloney! You've raised this wonderful child up to this point without the world telling you how . Now is not the time to change that. Be true to yourself and good luck !