Dealing with the Gifted Child -- Advice for Parents

We've always thought that our daughter was special. Who doesn't? She was talking and walking before she reached 1. She learned colors, shapes, letters, and numbers way before the projected milestone for these items. She was identifying words at 2 and reading at 3. And now, at the age of 6, she is reading at a 4th grade level with comprehension a couple of grades lower.

Her progression mirrors and surpasses my own at that age. Like my daughter, I was considered "gifted." And like my parents, I shake my head in awe at this little brain in front of me.

Unfortunately, the gifted child has to grow into an adult at some point, and the transition can be painful. The world is full of gifted children who grew into frustrated adults, They grow older not udnderstanding why the advantage they enjoyed in their youth doesn't translate to adulthood. As I approach 40, I look back at my own life and wonder if where I am now is truly where my potential could/should have taken me. And I've reflected on things that I wish I had done differently. With my own experience in mind, here are some things I recommend every parent of a gifted child do.

ENCOURAGE THEM TO FIND THEIR STRENGTHS

The problem with being gifted and doing well in school is that you have a built in expectation that you should be good at everything. In school, I pushed myself to take all accelerated and Advanced Placement classes, and for the most part, did quite well in them. Unfortunately, although I left high school and college knowing that I enjoyed reading, writing, history, and the social sciences more than science and math, I didn't really understand my own personality that well. I had no idea what types of work excited me and which types bored me. I just assumed that I could step into any job and be engaged. And as I get older, I'm finding that is not the case. It is only through working several self assessments that I'm finally starting to have the "Ah ha!" moments I wish I'd have had 10 or 15 years ago.

LET THEM KNOW THEY'RE SPECIAL, BUT NOT BETTER

Something I appreciated with my parents is that they never hesitated to let me know how smart and talented I was, but they made sure that my ego was kept in check. It is important that a gifted child knows how to get along with other children and appreciates the differences and skills of other children.

FIND A SCHOOL THAT SUPPORTS THEIR NEEDS

These days many schools seem to put their focus on the underperforming kids at the expense of those who excel. It is important that parents find a school that offers special programs and course work for advanced and gifted children. As a grade schooler, I was involved in a program called SPREE, Special Programs and Resources For Expanded Education. This program allowed me to explore learning through experiments, hands on assignments, and advanced work that I wouldn't have received in a normal classroom.

ENCOURAGE THEIR LEARNING

If your child likes to read, sing, dance, do artwork, or expresses any other talent beyond their years, be sure to encourage this talent. Take them to performances, visit the library frequently, and get them lessons in any skill in which they appear excel.

DON'T BE SHOCKED IF THEY DON'T BECOME PRESIDENT

Calvin Trillian's Remembering Denny is an excellent account of a young man who seemed destined for great things who found it hard to adjust to the "real world" after he graduated college. As a parent of a gifted child, it is important to remember that MENSA meetings are full of people with mundane jobs. Your child may not become President, own her own company, or even hold a high paying job. But they can still lead happy and fulfilling lives.

ENCOURAGE THEM TO FOLLOW THEIR MUSE

The hardest thing for me as an adult was the strong belief that I needed a "real" job. Because of this, I took a 9 to 5 job with benefits so that I could have a "career". This has created strains from time to time as I realize that the career I'm in now doesn't always play to my strengths. Since my career doesn't always exploit my talents to their full ability, I'm using my free time to pursue them. But I wish I'd have started this pursuit years ago and directed my career into jobs that better exploited my strengths.

TELL THEM NOT TO FORSAKE EXPERIENCE FOR GRADES

I went to college on a full scholarship. But fear of losing that scholarship (which was grade based), kept me from pursing experiences that would have benefited and enriched me. It also steered me away from taking classes in subjects that were outside of my major. Hindsight is 20/20, but I wish I'd have not played it safe during those years and pursued subjects to broaden my horizons.

EDUCATE YOURSELF

It is important that you read up about gifted children and learn how to help them develop their gifts. Talk to your child's teachers and school administrators. Look to parents of other gifted children. And look online for resources to help the parents of gifted children. One I highly recommend is SENG -- Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted. You can find more information at sengifted.org.

ALWAYS MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU LOVE THEM

My parents never once have expressed anything but their love for me. There were times when they thought I could have done more, but my parents have never questioned the career choices I've made, or why my film degree didn't turn me into the next Spielberg. Their love and support was and remains very important to me. If you do nothing else for you gifted child, make sure you shower them with your love and support. No matter how difficult life gets, this can make all the difference in the world.