Dealing with Grief from a Tragic Loss

This year I have lost five members of my family, yet two of them were very close to me. Those members close to me were my father and my grandfather. The news seemed impossible as if someone was playing a cruel trick on me. In fact, it all seemed unreal until the day of the funeral. Even at that moment of the funeral nothing looked right. Our bodies turn into a bad work of art by a clay sculptor that is unrecognizable. It looks like a downright lie even though the truth is in front of you. The only semi-slight consolation was that my father had a frozen smile on his face that looked as good as he did when he was alive. Nevertheless, death does not become the people we love. There was a pastor who spoke at my grandfathers funeral who said " death does not make sense". Those words emphasizes the obvious when someone's sentence is cut off short before they get to finish their goals. Christians all believe that death is only a sleep for those who believe in God and his son Christ Jesus. Then once God returns, believers know they will see their loved ones at that moment. Some people can be truly sympathetic promising to send prayers your way to help you through this time of loss. The cards are heartfelt expressions of sympathy meant to let you know you're not alone. There are those words of encouragement that tells you to keep your memories alive and fresh in your mind. All those meaningful words do help some.

However, pleasant thoughts during a melancholy period resembles hopping on one leg to take the pressure off the injured one. Yet, on the abstract it is not as taxing as in the literal sense. Moreover, there is a feeling of a strange elevation that dismisses the obvious as if it were a bad dream. These are the times when one can smile without realizing the facts. This elevational state of bliss is a heavy anesthetic to the permanent silence destined to follow you until the end of time. It is like a soft glow viewed in the unconscious undulating brightly as the aurora Borealis midst the abyss of black in the atmosphere. Your body and soul craves this beautiful and colorful state of denial as an addict needs a fix. It is the buffer and crutch one must cling to with ones life in order to survive, and keep it together. Perhaps it is the feeling someone left you before passing on that makes this all so possible. In addition, it was how the person made you feel. Every now and then the colorful state disappears to bring you back to earth. It is at this moment when it hits you. The impact of it strikes with a numbing effect that wears off leaving you with the pain. The pain comes from missing the energy, personality, knowledge, company, debates, smiles, hugs, kisses, jokes, aggravation, time and laughter. All of this in the name of the one you love whose very existence enhanced your own.

Death is...a strange inevitability of life. Death can sometimes be kind when God uses in the case of an illness. Death can be sudden and cruel when it is done by war, someone on the rampage, drunk drivers, or an accident. In any age it is still devastating, but more so when it happens with the young. Since funerals will never be out of business in this lifetime people expect the aged to pass at any time. A friend of the family told us that "we are all just passing through this world". This statement is true in this fallen planet earth. In the deeper sense, death is a cruel monster from hell with one purpose to devour us all. After all, if one is not ill, injured, or weak what is death for? Why do we need rest if we do not need rest? The truth is that death is the curse from the sin of Adam and Eve. No matter if anyone believes in it or not death has followed us all as close as a shadow.

If we all created ourselves why would we take ourselves or our loved ones out of it? That would be ridiculous to do something so pointless. Therefore, we are stuck with this solemn reality as our future for now. So, the best way to cope with this is to ride the waves of your emotions. No one can tell you how you are supposed to feel. It is okay to miss them, laugh at happy memories, or scream in anger. As time goes on the waves won't be as dramatic as the beginning. The waves do calm at times as in real life. You will never forget, but you will handle it more calmly. As for the holidays coming up, try making a new tradition with those who are still with you. Stay close to those who love and care for you during this time. Personally, my family and I believe that a change of atmosphere would help us cope better with this. Meaning, relocation to another state and another town to begin new memories for a brand new start.