Dealing With the Life and Death of Cancer

I grew up as a daddy's girl. I always rode on the farm with my father and much rather preferred being with him over anyone else. I never grew too old to sit on his knee or give him hugs and kisses. That is why it was so difficult for me to learn that he cancer.

I was twenty years old when my father was diagnosed with cancer. It was a very difficult time in my life. I was a college intern and had recently had a break-up with my fiancé. Learning of the terminal disease could not have turned my world upside down more.

My father only lived a few short months after discovering that he was sick. The time however, seemed to be an eternity. The cancer had spread to my daddy's spine and he could no longer walk. It also spread to his brain. He had good days and bad days. Seeing him in that condition was very difficult. Although I knew that my father was in a bad shape, I could not bring myself to believing that he was going to die.

There are many lessons that I had to learn during this time. Even tough I was in my early adulthood; I had never dealt with anything such as this.

During the sickness of a loved one, no one can prepare you for his or her death. It is something that you must come to terms with yourself. I had many family members try discussing my father's possible death with me. However, I had to come to his passing on my own terms.

If a loved one has a terminal disease, make sure that you let them know they can go when they are ready. I feel that my father lived for several days because of me not letting him go. I made peace with the fact that he needed to go to a better place. After my peace had been made, I told him. Minutes later, my father passed away. Saying good-bye does not make it easier, however it does seem to give some type of closer.

Go with your instincts. My father had a closed casket at his funeral. I felt a strong need to see my father one last time. My other family members do not have this need. I proceeded with the viewing. After seeing and talking with my father one last time, I felt more at peace within myself.

You do not have to do what everyone expects. I honor and remember my father each day. Everyone has different ways of remembering others. When my son was born, everyone assumed that he would be named after my father. I do not put much into honoring others by name. Therefore, I did not name my son after him. However, I do put much stake into keeping my father's wishes and traditions. I continue to live and farm on the land that father did. My husband works with his tools and my children know stories of the land and about him. To me, these are the things that honor him.

There will be regrets. I was very close to my father but I still have regrets. I think everyone does. I would even change the dress that I wore to the funeral.