Dealing with Losing Your Four-legged Best Friend

My husband and I were recently engaged when we stopped at a self-service car wash to give his "baby" a bath. As I was bored and had no desire to help, I wandered off and came upon this little black ball of fur. Upon closer inspection, it was a tiny kitten that appeared to be no more than a few weeks old. Of course, I could not leave the poor thing there all alone and convinced my soon-to-be husband to take us to the vet.

The vet confirmed it was a male kitten about four weeks old. Once he cleaned the kitten up, I saw he had the most amazingly blue eyes and I fell in love immediately. Nineteen years later, Chatty stared at me with those blue eyes but they were hazy now. He was just as weak as he was when I found him but it was due to old age now. I held Chatty that morning until he passed on and it still makes me cry to remember that morning.

My friend just lost her cat of 15 years this weekend. She asked how I survived the hurt and pain of losing a pet that had become so close to you that he was not just a pet but also actually a part of your family. I told her that it was the same as grieving any other loss - - it takes time.

The advice I gave my friend for dealing with the loss of her pet included:

• Grieve - Take time to grieve as you would for the loss of a loved one. Cry, get angry, mope, eat or do whatever makes you feel better. Grieving is a natural process and grieving for a pet is just as real and painful as grieving for a family member.
• Ignore mockers - Ignore those who tell you that it is just an animal and get over it. Do not even listen to them or entertain their company right now.
• Seek comfort from those who understand - Seek out the other animal lovers you know and spend time with them. They are the only people who can truly understand what you are going through and sympathize with you.
• Enjoy good memories - It took a few days but then I looked through photographs of Chatty when he was a kitten - his first Christmas, our first home, our daughter playing with him, etc. I cried but I also laughed through those tears and enjoyed remembering the moments that Chatty brought joy to our lives.
• Give it time - There were days months later that I would find myself looking for Chatty or talking to him and I would break down and cry some. However, those days got fewer while the memories still are strong. Now I can see a picture or think about something without crying and smile.

Some people say to get another kitten right away and some say that it does not help or it hurts more. I say do what makes you feel better. We did get another kitten soon after but that is because our other cat was grieving the loss of Chatty and needed a playmate - it was more for her than for us. Getting through the loss of a pet is painful; however, the love and joy they bring to our lives is well worth the pain we experience when we lose them.