Dealing with the Military Deployment of a Husband, Wife, Child or Loved One

One of the most commonly asked questions a spouse of a deployed soldier gets is "How do you do it." Then it's usually followed by something along the lines of "I would go crazy, I freak out if my husband is gone for even one night."

Well my friends, the truth is that there is no real answer. We do it only because we have to.

Being separated from your spouse is never easy, even if you have been through a deployment before. Military life is a constant circle of readjustment. Each time your soldier is gone you grow, and they grow. So basically you become changed people while apart.

I am personally approaching the end of my husbands second year overseas and almost six years of his service in the United States Army. I hope that every military wife feels as proud of their husband as I do of mine.

Also, be proud of yourself. What you do is not an easy job and you should give yourself credit where credit is due. I know you always hear people thanking your soldier for their service, well here is a big thank you for the spouses too.

Some of us are not so seasoned to the life that a military spouse takes on. Some of us may be new and possibly facing or are going through a first deployment. Well be prepared because everyone you know and sometimes those you don't know are going to have advice for you about how to handle it.

That's where it gets tough, because it's not the same for everyone. And it's not the same every time that they are gone either. For example, during our last deployment we were stationed in Texas and I stayed on post. But this time we were stationed out of Washington and closer to our home town. For some reason I knew I was going to need my family more throughout this deployment than the last. So I decided to move back home.

It's truly up to you how you handle having your spouse gone. There are a lot of factors to consider when they are preparing for their deployment. Such as what your family readiness groups are like.

A family readiness group helps to keep the information flowing, organizes events such as fundraisers and gatherings for the soldiers and their families. They also have information to the many, many means of support that you may need.

During our first deployment I was blessed with an awesome FRG, whereas this time the FRG was a big factor in my decision to move home. Also the gossip issues on the particular post were included in my decision.

The first time my husband was gone my mom came to stay with me, to help with the kids. I also developed some lasting friendships with my very supporting neighbors and with the church we attended. It is very, very important to have people around to help if you need it, and are willing to return it. No matter how independent you are, you will still need some help every now and then. Just remember, don't be afraid to ask for it if you need it.

Remember to use your resources, if you decide to stay on post there are a variety of options for any kind of help that you need. If your FRG hasn't kept you up to date on these things you should be able to access this information in the welcome center, or take initiative to contact your FRG leader and ask them where to get it.

Staying on post is usually a better option for many spouses. On post you have a family of other spouses that are going through the same thing and truly know how you feel. Believe me, as much as others may say that they know how you feel. Unless they have had a loved one in a war zone, they don't.

With the support of your fellow spouses you can develop your own sort of support group, have family outings, you can help each other with babysitting and other such things.

Just beware of the gossip. Do you remember that saying "you are who you hang with." Well your soldier may hear a rumor even before you do. And hanging out in the wrong places with the wrong people will contribute to these rumors.

Also living on post can possibly ease some of the financial confusion that deployment sometimes brings. All in all there are fewer bills to pay; you don't have to pay rent in military housing and in most cases utilities as well. With gas prices the way they are it also helps to have everything you need within a short driving distance.

Like I said before, there is no real answer about how you can cope because everyone is different. Well that isn't going to stop me from contributing my own two cents worth.

From my experience I find it much easier to deal by keeping busy, not sitting at home crying all day. Yes, you miss them and life is not the same without them, but crying isn't going to bring them back. It is still life and you need to live it.

The first deployment I got a job and in my spare time I worked on the very first stages of my novel. That, plus raising a 6 year old and an infant helped immensely. This time I have another child and a lot less free time on my hands, so working isn't an option and staying busy defiantly isn't a problem.

If you like Myspace.com there are quite a few military spouses groups there that you can join. Just make sure you read the group rules before joining. They have some pretty cool things if you're into tag making or other such things. It is also nice to have a variety of answers from several people if you have questions.

Another thing that helps for me is not to watch the news, with the exception of the weather. It's not only the bad stuff that can be upsetting. Every time I saw a televised reunion of a soldier and their family I would become very emotion. I don't like my children to see a lot of that either.

After being married to the military for a while you become a harder person when it comes to emotion. The little things will upset you while the major things, such as deployment are the ones where you hold back your tears and find your inner strength.

So regardless of if you are new to the military life or have been a part of it for years. There is always something new to learn, always some excitement and also always the sadness. Don't let it stop you from always supporting your spouse with every part of yourself. A military spouse is a different kind of person than any other, they have something that others respect and admire, and wish they could have.

We have a well earned strength of heart.