Dealing with Parenting Differences

Obviously, in 10 years of marriage, I have found that my husband and I do not always see things the same way or do things the same way. In all honesty we hardly do anything the same way my husband and I are total opposites, this also includes our parenting styles.

I have always known my husband and I were on opposite sides of the fence when it came to parenting styles. This became extremely evident during an argument between my husband and our team middle daughter. The argument quickly spiraled out of control and became a gallon match, in which both my husband and daughter cross lines that showed serious disrespect.

My husband is extremely conservative in his parenting views. He is a open quotation as long as you live under my roof, he will follow my rules" they should kind of parent. He feels that because he is their father, he should automatically have their respect. They should do what he tells them to do without question or argument. Now on paper that doesn't seem like an unreasonable request, but in reality it seems to me a bit overbearing.

My parenting style is probably extremely liberal. I feel that her children should be asked first to do things, then told if they choose to not comply with the request. I feel that her children should not have to come form to what we think they should be, but be allowed to be who they are. I believe that her children have the right to question rules and have the rule explained in their questions answered. I get respect from my children by showing them respect, not by demanding it. I am not really sure if this seems reasonable to others, but in my head it makes sense.

So how do you find middle ground when you're parenting styles are completely different? What do you do when you feel that you're parenting style is superior to your spouses? Funny, but I just learned what should happen in this type of situation, both parties need to accept the other's parenting style, and you both need to compromise. I will tell you this is much easier said than done, especially for mom who is extremely protective and feels that their way is right, or at least better than their spouses parenting style.

The key is to set ground rules. These rules need to be things that both parents agree with, and need. For me one rule is no engaging our children and screaming fights. Really what does it say about you when you are having a screaming match with a 13-year-old? One of my husband's rules was the children of work to do what was asked of them, which should be a given, but as all parents know, doesn't always happen. We have a few other rules also, but they aren't the main rules.

Even with rules and boundaries in place, I was still having a hard time allowing my husband parent and discipline the way he felt was best. I needed to realize and concentrate on the reasons why it was important for our children to have my husband's parenting techniques implemented in everyday life.

My children will not face only people who think like me in their lives. They will have to deal with people who need to be respected and sometimes respected without question because of their authority. How would my children learn to handle people like that if they never have experience as someone who demands respect? I may demand respect, but not without giving it and not because I'm the mom. They will also learn to deal with people who are like me by dealing with me. I had always thought they would learn more by leading by example. I hadn't thought that their personalities may be different, therefore possibly resulting in conflicts, or that they would learn from those conflicts have to deal with their own feelings and the feelings of others.

If I want my children to be successful in life, they need to learn from both of their parents and both of our parenting styles. It is very difficult at times to keep my mouth shut, and they still slip up and step in, but I try to remember that in order to have a successful relationship with my husband I can't discount his parenting style. I am also not doing my children justice by not allowing them to see their father's ideas about the way they should behave and the results of not following the rules he feels are necessary.