Dealing with a Parent's Addiction

Drugs and alcohol seem to be everywhere these days; they're in the media, in the movies, in our cities, and even in our homes. Legal or not, it is a devastating thing when these poisons take over people's lives. I've seen it first hand all of my life and there are few things more emotionally painful than to see your parent addicted to drugs and alcohol. This is really the first time I have gone public with this information about my mother, but I have reached a breaking point. I have tried for 22 years to help her and find some sort of relationship she and I can both be and benefit from, but it seems to be a lost cause.

The first memory I have of my life was when I was four years old. My mom took me to a local pool on a hot summer day where she met her friend to drink. Of course, I had no idea she was drinking or what alcohol even was, but I do remember almost drowning. I was in the pool and holding onto a rail and I slipped. I was under for very long, but I couldn't swim and her friend was the one who saved me. Little did I know, I would be risking my life again this same day. She drove me home with a BAC that was extremely high and almost wrecked the car several times (so I am told). A police car followed her home and then arrested her in front of me. Luckily, my aunt had just arrived to pick me up for the weekend, but I will never forget screaming, "Mommy! I want my mommy!" as the cop car took her away. This was, unfortunately, the first of many instances to come with my mother and substance abuse.

I had a financially fulfilling childhood since my dad was very business savvy, but emotionally I was abused, beaten, and pulled apart at the seams. I was even physically abused by my mother at times and, when I tried to reach out for help at school, I was threatened by her at home. She told me the school would take me away, and I didn't want to be in a foster home, so I lied to the school and said everything was fine. My dad was also behind this because I don't think he believed that she was abusing me, or maybe he did and didn't think it was wrong since he was abusing my mother. Either way, it was a long hard road and I'm amazed that I am the person I am today coming out of that environment.

When I was 18, I moved out of my dad's house and into my grandparents home. My parents had just gotten a divorce that was long overdue and I was smack dab in the middle of it. My dad wanted me on his side, my mom wanted me on hers and I was confused and hurt. I just wanted out. I wanted a normal life and thank God for my grandparents. If they hadn't been there for me all of my life, I know I would either be into drugs or dead. They were my escape and my real parents. After I had moved out, however, my mom came to me and apologized for everything she had ever done to me. I was very wary of letting her back in my life, but I gave her another chance. Today, I regret that chance. In the past four years, she has done nothing but disappoint me time and time and time again. It has finally reached the breaking point today, however, after 22 years. I can't take her disappointments anymore and I'm not going to.

I got home from work two nights ago and was informed that she had been on a coke binge for the past three days and that a good friend of my fiance's had to babysit her at some run-down bar in town. I was livid. I called her and let her know and we went around and around about her substance abuse and she lied to me like she always does. I told her I wanted to help her, but she won't let me. There's just nothing more I can do for that woman. She's caused me nothing more than a hole in my heart and she doesn't deserve to have me in her life.

This was all a very hard realization to finally come to, but sometimes you have to know when enough is enough. If you have a parent who is an addict, please do not allow my story to discourage you in helping them. This is my personal account and I am writing this to chronicle it in my life and to actually encourage others with the same problems to not let it get to this point. The sooner you catch the problem, the easier it will be to fix. I wish more than anything that I could change her ways and get her clean for good, but it's just not in the cards for me or her. If someday she changes, I will be happy to let her back into my life, but for now it's goodbye.