Dealing with a Racist Friend or Family Member

Even in 2010 with a black president, there will always be those who believe that their race is somehow superior to another person's race based solely on physical appearance. It is much easier to avoid these people than it is to change their minds, but what happens when the racist person is someone in your own family? Or, what if it's your significant other? Even worse, what if it's someone you know who feels like another race is better than one you two share and constantly feels the need to down his or her own race?

Racism is taught. Nobody is born thinking their brown skin or their blonde hair looks better than another child's. Someone who already believes these traits exist has to instill that thinking into another person's mind. Keep that in mind before you become irate at someone who is racist. It takes as much time to change a person's mind about their upbringing as it did to make them think this way. Their opinions are not going to change in a day. Although it is not your job to change this person into someone more open-minded, don't feed into that negativity. There is a way to maintain a friendship or relationship with someone who does not think like you do in regards to race. Here's how.

Step One:

The very first time this person calls someone else a racial slur, tell him or her that you don't tolerate that. If you don't call this person out on the racism immediately, he or she will keep doing it thinking you're all right with these slanderous words. If you wait too long, this person will wonder: "What's the big deal? You've never said anything before."

Step Two:

Do not be quiet when this person starts insulting another person based on race even outside of racial slurs. This is another issue that if you keep letting it slide, the comments will get more outrageous and the language more heinous. You don't have to attack the person for their own racism. But what you do have to do is let them know you're not going to listen to them try to instill these same beliefs in you or those around you.

Step Three:

Make yourself an example of someone who is not racist. This doesn't mean you go around saying, "I don't see color." Everybody sees physical appearance. There is no way to avoid seeing race the same way you can't avoid seeing the vehicles in a car crash; it's obvious to the eyes. But there's nothing wrong with seeing a person's race. There's nothing wrong with seeing differences in culture. But make sure that the people around you understand that there's nothing wrong with these differences, including your own children and other family and friends. If they see that you don't think like the racist person you're acquainted with, that sends a message right there that you are not like this other person. The saying "birds of a feather flock together" isn't always true.

Step Four:

After establishing your distaste for someone's racist comments or slurs, have a serious, one-on-one conversation with them. Calmly explain to this person that in order for you two to continue a relationship, the racist comments around you must stop. To ask this person to stop with the comments altogether probably won't work. But if you can get them to at least stop saying it around you, it will heal your heart just a little bit more.

Step Five:

If this person refuses to stop with the racist comments or slurs, you're going to have to decide what matters more to you-your beliefs or this person. If your beliefs mean more to you and this person refuses to respect you for not being racist and treats you like a sellout, chances are you'll have to walk away. But if you feel like this person is more important than your own beliefs, you'll have to suck up their words and ignore them.

Step Six:

Get ready for battle when or if you decide that not only are you going to make this person not say anything racist, but you're going to change his or her mind too. You are in for some serious and hostile arguments. But education has been a long-time weapon in breaking down stereotypes. When this person says something you don't agree with, don't just say, "Don't say that." Back it up with literary proof of why it's not true. And be ready for a counterargument because racist people always have hidden "treasures" to practice hate ready at the whim.