Dealing with Shyness in Addiction Recovery

Dealing with shyness in addiction recovery is important because it can be a real problem for us, even if it's a subject that doesn't get mentioned much. Alcohol or drug problems develop for different reasons, but it is often the case that people drink because it makes them feel more sociable. When I was in my early teens I found meeting new people difficult and talking to women a real struggle. I just felt shy all the time. When drink arrived in my life, and I had no difficulty talking to women or anyone else. I would feel super-confident with a few pints on board, and would have no problem being the life and soul of any party. Alcohol worked well for years, but as my addiction grew it made me feel less and less sociable. As my problems with alcohol increased it became all about being secretive and hiding things; I preferred to drink alone.

It has been my experience that all that shyness that was there prior to picking up the first drink is still there now that I'm sober. It can mean that meeting new people feels like a bit of a chore, and being the center of attention in a group can make me feel really uncomfortable. This seems to be a common problem with those in the early years of recovery; although most won't really consider that this is due to shyness.

A bit of shyness is a good thing. If I had been a bit shyer when drinking it could have prevented quite a few bad memories. Shyness around strangers makes us cautious; as it can sometimes be dangerous to be friendly to somebody you know nothing about. The problem happens when we are too shy and it interferes with our ability to enjoy life. Recovery should be all about trying new things and making up for all those lost years so we don't want shyness getting in the way so here are a few suggestions about how to deal with it.

One reason why ex-drunks and addicts feel shy in recovery is due to the fact that we can still be quite self-absorbed. We probably were like this before entering our addiction, and being a drunk certainly involves living a life of almost total self-absorption. It is little wonder that this continues in recovery. The way we combat this is by trying to focus more on what is happening with other people and in our environment. In my experience this can really be a great help.

Another thing we can do is to examine our thinking. If our mind says that people aren't going to like us then we need to ask how we know this. Can we read minds? Can we see the future? We never know what people are going to think about us or even what they are thinking about us. It is impossible. You will also find that a lot of the thinking that rationalizes our shyness will fall away once reason enters the picture.

Another method that I use is a simple chant. In times when we are really stressed by a social occasion we can recite this. It doesn't have to be any special words if you don't want. Just anything that will distract you for a while.

Dealing with shyness in addiction recovery is a must for us. There really is no place for it. We have already spent too many years in a prison of our own making. Our life now should be all about doing and enjoying.