Dealing with Social Anxiety

I was rarely anxious or worried about things as a child. I led a very social life growing up. I had a large group of friends and we hung out together all the time. As I grew older I started to worry about social situations before, during and after they happened.

At first, I just thought that it was because the group of people I hung out with was very stable. I didn't change schools growing up so I saw a lot of the same people my entire life. Once I went off to college and to work afterwards, I attributed my uneasiness to the fact that I wasn't used to having to get to know new people.

As time progressed I started to realize that I had a problem with social situations, especially larger gatherings. Parties or other events where there are several people and the majority of the people are strangers or people that I don't know well are particularly difficult to deal with for me. If it is a situation where there isn't a lot of room or no place to "escape" to once in a while to pass the time, then I'll start getting the feeling of being trapped.

My biggest fear about these situations is being judged. My assumption is that people don't actually like me or I've done something to make them think of me poorly. Maybe I'm not terribly interesting and they have to fake being interested in a conversation. Did I say something offensive or stupid that people will talk about when I'm gone? The things I cook up in my head about it are endless.

I'll worry about it well before an event is coming up, but that is nothing compared to the thought I'll give it after the situation is over. I can remember social situations that happened years ago that I still worry about. I realize that the people there have probably long forgotten the encounter I still worry about, but there are times when I can't get it out of my head.

I've read that some people have panic attacks. While I've never had that happen, I've spent some extra time in a bathroom or getting "something" for my car waiting for time to pass.

My wife figured it out pretty quickly, but there are people that I've known almost my whole life that would be surprised to read this. She understands and sometimes I get a pass on going out somewhere like a party with the people she works with.

I'm sure there are plenty of people out there just like me and hide it as well as I hide it. The best thing for me is to have somebody I trust that knows what I'm dealing with in the situation with me. Talking about it helps a little, but having somebody there to lean on and almost act as a "social shield" in some situations has helped me. The more situations I get through the better it gets. It's little by little, but I'm learning to deal with it. If you are someone that identifies with this and aren't getting through it, then talk to a doctor soon. You'll feel good about being able to get through a social situation. It might not ever be something you'll completely enjoy, but the world is a much smaller place otherwise.